The Ghost - some thoughts on Yoga, Creating, saying No and saying Yes
Some of you might have seen on 'The Facebook' or similar that I've enrolled in Yoga Teacher Training (yes, it gets to be in capitals) for later this year. This is a big deal for many reasons and a small deal for many too. It's a big deal because I never even considered that I could ever want to do anything in life and for a job apart from making music and playing it to people. It's a small deal because, well, it's just a thing. A thing that I feel an urge to do, and feel very natural in following and exploring. When the feeling first came to me that maybe I might like to do such a thing, I resisted with all my might. BUT I'M A MUSICIAN i screamed at myself inside my head. BUT I MAKE MUSIC AND PLAY IT TO PEOPLE WEARING NICE DRESSES I CAN'T POSSIBLY ALSO DO THIS (SOMETIMES) SWEATY THING THAT REQUIRES EVEN MORE PRACTICE AND COMMITMENT TO LEARNING AND GROWING AND HOW WILL I POSSIBLY DO ALL THE THINGS????? So I said no. I said no because I am a musician. I said no because there couldn't possibly be enough time. I said no because I didn't want to risk dividing my attention. I said no because sometimes I fear the unknown. And then one day I woke up and I tried saying yes. I said 'Yes. This thing makes sense to me. Yes, this thing feels good to me. Yes, I want to share this thing with other people because I believe in it. Yes, I want to embrace this thing and let it feed my creativity, and let my creativity feed it.' And then this really strange thing happened. I kept practicing and I started making moves towards doing the teacher training. And every day when I practiced I started looking for new things to learn. In yoga but also in myself. About my creativity. About my ego. About my fears. About my needs. And as my practice deepened even further so did my need to keep practicing, to practice maybe a little more, or with a little more focus, joy or, hey, even with a little bit of a smile on my face. And I kept writing songs. And sometimes they were shit (totally normal) and mostly they were good. And as I became more in tune with my body, my heart, my needs - I asked myself what I needed to centre myself, to quiet my mind. And I kept writing songs. And I realised I wasn't only practicing yoga. I was practicing creativity. I was practicing life. And i began to truly trust that whatever I was doing, was perfectly right for me. For now and for that elusive later that I can never ever control, no matter how hard I try. No, I am not trying to convert you to some weird yoga cult or preach the benefits one by one and make you feel bad for not downward dogging this morning. I'm just telling you that when I expanded my mind, I think I might have expanded my life, just a little, and it's had the exact opposite effect on my music and creative mind than I originally thought it would. Instead of feeling pressed for time and split in my focus I feel more rounded and grounded in understanding what matters and where everything fits and sits in The Big Wheel Of My Life. Instead of feeling pulled away from this thing that I love, I feel I have a deeper understanding of myself inside of it, and I feel better equipped to understand my feelings, fears and excitements about it all. Instead of feeling like I need to say no to preserve my time, my heart, my mind, I feel like I'm understanding so much more WHAT to say no to, and what I really truly want to say yes to. And I might even go so far as to say I am becoming more open to saying yes, even when I don't quite understand yet why it matters so damn much. So, I think, what might be happening, is I might finally be finding a little bit of balance. And that is what I've learnt this month. Namaste.