GRAYLING page 08136

 This is actually a really important page since it shows Rae's thought process and what he's going through. Interiority is really hard in this environment. Each of them is alone together because Cal's presence means they can't have sincere or pragmatic conversations that go anywhere. Rae & Lem actually had a secret language they used as children to talk without Cal knowing what they were saying, but since Cal drove them apart they forgot how to use it.

So, we get a flash of what Rae has been thinking about this whole time, and it's about survival and their living situation.

Rae doesn't trust Cal to help them stay alive and healthy. That tracks. Buuuuut he also depended on Cal for learning all his abilities, right down to his way of thinking and behaviors. He knows everything is wrong but he doesn't know how to fix it, and he suspects he's absolutely incapable of fixing it because he's tainted. He distracts himself from the horror of this by controlling and exerting petty revenges on Cal. 

"If Cal is cruel and humiliates us, we will be cruel and humiliate him back, and that will even the score and rebalance the power." 

Of course, if you've been abused, you know what fighting with your abuser actually does. 

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By becoming a patron, you'll instantly unlock access to 878 exclusive posts
1
Audio release
1,515
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4
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27
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1
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