GRAYLING page 08139

It's hard to talk about abuse because it's systemic, so it's abstract & hard to explain. It takes forever, and actually presenting enough evidence to feel like you're not glossing over things is going to overload everyone. It's always a pile of details. 

These pages each represent a really long period of time. Cal is going fast. I'm thinking abt reasons for what Cal is feeling while he lays out this story. I think he probably wanted to avoid revealing too much that would make him seem like he was trying to make himself look good. There's a political consciousness to this depiction. There are many aspects to the reality of this story that he leaves out because they go against his intentions in writing it at all, in this moment at least.

Drama always waxes and wanes in reality, and we kinda skip over the waning phase in media. But it's very important to talk about, because it's part of what lulls you into tolerating stuff you shouldn't tolerate.

The vast majority of time, Cal would languish in bed, extremely depressed. It was just boring and lonely for Rae & Lem. They would leave and come back and Cal wouldn't even notice. The temper tantrums would come after months of silence sometimes and might even be a relief. Withholding is part of Cal's MO, but it's not as violent and sensationalistic, so he's going to neglect that topic here. It'll come up later, because it matters to Rae and Lem, and uh, THEIR lovers...it matters a lot. 

There are many times when Lem and Rae fought with each other, and Cal played at being peacemaker–sometimes no doubt even accomplishing that. These fights were important for Lem and Rae, of course, but Cal could barely comprehend something that didn't necessarily have to do with him, so it's a blind spot. 

I think at the point where he's writing this, he's becoming acutely aware of how little he knows, how little he understands, how much he ignored, and that makes him really uncomfortable.

There's a lot of darkness to this story, and sadly, that means there are a lot of sad little shadows that may not seem obvious at first. But there's positive stuff to this story as well, which I think they'll try to process as time goes by, as they try to move on together.

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By becoming a patron, you'll instantly unlock access to 878 exclusive posts
1
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1,515
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