I sound a little cynical and maybe a little angry. No, I'm not a stick who's ranting against commercialism and such. The truth is, I'm just a little envious of everyone on Sunday, Father's day.
You see, I lost my father a little over twenty one years ago. I was one year out of graduating from college. My dad had just gotten warm to idea that I was going to make a living as a cartoonist. In fact, I was months away from appearing in my first newspaper as a syndicated comic strip artist. Alas, much like the Game of Thrones, shit happens.
I still have my Mom, so I've come to enjoy Mother's Day. I didn't before, when I was younger. But lately, family-centric holidays have really become more valuable to me. After 21 years of just hanging around during Father's Day gatherings, while everyone else posed with their dads for pictures, I've come to desensitize myself of the holiday. I've made it just another day. It's less painful that way. The less I think about it, or participate, the better I'd feel. Of course, I tell myself that all the time.
Every year I fall for the same trap of browsing Facebook on Father's Day. Nothing but endless posts with people spending their days with their dad, having a barbecue, etc. Every year, the same flood of loss rears it's ugly head. Time heals all wounds. But it never really takes all the pain away. I'm sure others who've lost fathers might feel a little like me today. Just a little bit sad that we can't truly participate in enjoying our dad's company, on a holiday in his honor. Since I'm not a dad myself, I'm totally on the sidelines for this holiday. I just put on a brave face and smile as I watch my nephews and niece enjoy their dad, as he hangs out with his dad.
I apologize for those reading this. It may seem cranky. But like I said earlier. In truth, I'm just envious of what I no longer have. This Father's Day was just another day for me. I woke up, silently gave my dad a holiday greeting, did some errands, had lunch, cleaned my place for a very small gathering, watched a great basketball game, then watched my favorite show of late-- You know, that thing with dragons, a cool dwarf, and battling bastards. In the end, yesterday was a fun day! But it's just another day for me.