What a whirlwind of a weekend! 3 photoshoots! And on top of that I finally finished the last chapter of The Action Heroine's Journey. That just got sent to the editor.
I'll be sending out 1 ebook to everyone from NP at the end of today (in the corresponding reward tiers.)
I want to share something that I learned this weekend. It has to do with comfort zones.
My 20's were fun and wreck less and exciting. I traveled and did dangerous things with wild abandon. In the last 6 years, and especially a week away from my36th bday, I've been reflecting on that lifestyle. In a way I miss it. I miss the freedom. And now I work so much and so far I've seem to have created a safe little cage for myself to exist in. A cage built out of fear from being hurt and fear of trust. It is safe making art all day and not leaving my house. And in a way I'm happy to feel safe. In another way it just doesn't seem healthy for me personally. To constantly live in fear has muted my voice and the fire within me. It doesn't feel natural. To me.
Thursday I did the photoshoot with Todd Ingalls and MUAH artist DIANA Knudsen. It was fun! Incredibly fun. They are friends and I love hanging out with them so it felt fantastic.
Friday was a bit more dangerous for me. The shoot was in Aneheim, already further out than I am comfortable traveling for a photoshoot. It was to be an hour drive that changed to 1.5 hrs and changed again to 3 hours. I was flustered, edgy and felt trapped but I was determined to NOT flake on any photographer no matter how uncomfortable I was about any part of it (as long as the shoot itself doesn't cross the line). When I got to the studio I only had 30 minutes to shoot. Had planned on 3 sets and 3 wardrobe and makeup changes. But only got in 1 set and two outfits. The second was not the hair and makeup I wanted to do but we made it work and the photographer was fun and kind and just lovely!!! I felt bad because I was the one who was flustered. And then I sliced my finger open on a knife trying to remove the rubber outfit. I was not at the top of my game. The photographer, Doug Stidham was incredibly patient and kind!
Saturday was an early morning hike/photoshoot with Jay Kantor. Not only was it a 1- 1.5 hr drive to the hiking trail but it he was to pick me up. (I have a really big issue with carpooling/not driving myself. It's an escape route thing) and I was fine and then started to panic. Really panic. He was cool, probably has to deal with crazy models a lot. But I felt the panic attack inside me start and I made myself calm and he talked me through it and once we reached the Malibu hills my body relaxed and I felt so good to be out and about in the wilderness. My true home. We hiked and it was fairly easy for me. We took it slow and did little shots here and there. Truly it was exhilarating and we had wonderful conversations and my fire was reignited again. It was the getaway 3.5 mile hike I really needed. It was amazing.
And I've been glowing ever since.
The best part was connecting to the part of me who used to travel all over the world trusting myself in every situation rather than fearing others and hiding in safety. I spread my wings again and it was delicious. I came home and was inspired to do my own work. I saw myself through someone else's eyes, without the filter of fear and pain and baggage and I was ok.
So I'm retraining myself to trust me more and take chances.
Just wanted to share that with you. Lots of reflecting. Lots of shifting and growing.
You gotta stay mentally nimble so you can keep growing and evolving.
My birthday is on May 22. And for the first time in my life I'm nervous. I had all of these plans for 35 and none of them happened. Not one, which isn't like me. But they also are determined by other people too... And the god damn accident threw everything off.... But yea, I've never been weird about a birthday before. I often say I'm whatever age I'm turning months before I turn it but this year was weird. For most of it i felt like i was 36. Now I feel like me:ageless. But 20lbs ago I just didn't feel like me at all. I hope I can continue this path of growth through this year. And if it works or not, you can be sure you're going to hear about it.
Thanks for participating!