Merlin here, welcoming you to your first formal opportunity to give Alex, Max, and me your money. We hope you’re as excited about this opportunity as we are, because we really want your money.

Short version is you can click over there…(gesturing to the side rail) and sign up to give us five (5) dollars per month in exchange for our mostly-weekly podcast about poop, Apple products, and friendship. It’s that easy. And, we do really want your money. Seriously.

The longer version is that, in exchange for that money you give us, you’ll not only receive that warm feeling you get from supporting independent podcasts. You’ll also have access to a private podcast feed where you’ll get members-only After Dark episodes where we do stuff like talk about the next week’s challenge as well as say all the really terrible things that were too awful to include in the regular episode. Things might get a little crazy. 

And, hey, check this out. We’re also (ALSO!) offering a very special premium level of patronage that allows you to officially, legally refer to yourself as one of “Cox’s Cucks.” You can only say that if you give us ten bucks a month, okay? Real talk. Don’t make Max get his calipers.

But, wait. There is, as they say, more. At the “Cox’s Cucks” level of support, you’ll also receive a really sweet, totally limited-edition Do By Friday poster, drawn by our pal and artist-in-residence, Kevin Budnik:

As seen above—demonstrated by our spokescaster, Alex—this nice poster features many of our breakout hit characters and funny comedy bits. It’s a really nice poster printed on pretty yellow paper, and it’s funny how confusing it would be if you put it up in your cube at work. Can you even imagine that? 

So that’s it for now. Except to say that, yes, the regular old version of our program will, as ever, continue to be available for free and without advertisements via your pod dingus of choice. But, we think this is a very good way to let you support what we do, and we’d love to have that support. Because, candidly, we really want your money.

These Dude Wipes and ladybugs ain’t paying for themselves.

Thanks, guys,

/m (on behalf of Do By Friday)

p.s. Got unanswered questions? Check out the FAQs down below.

FAQs are Frequently Asked Questions

Why even are you doing a Patreon campaign?

Patreon makes it easy for people who like something to directly support it financially. And we want money.

Truthfully, there are sound reasons that Patreon has become the go-to platform for independent artists to fund their ongoing projects. It’s simple, it’s clear, and it’s relatively easy for everyone involved.

Hang on. So, I have to give you money to listen to DBF now?

Heck no. The Do By Friday you know and possibly love won’t change a bit. The regular old version of our program will, as ever, continue to be available for free and without advertisements via your pod dingus of choice. You’ll always be able to listen and subscribe for free right from our site or via Apple, Overcast, or RSS.

Charging to listen to a podcast seems weird and kind of gross, but different strokes, I guess.

So, what do you guys give me if I become a member?

The main benefit is access to a members-only feed where you’ll get a bonus after show each time we release a new public episode.

Honestly, a lot of people have requested a way to support the show as-is, but we wanted to offer some sensible extra benefits for listeners who would choose to send a little cash our way each month. 

But who knows? Those benefits might change/increase/expand over time.

What happens if I never give you any money?

Absolutely nothing. Like we say, you can always listen to the show for free. No harm, no foul. Thank you for your service.

Should I feel bad for not giving you money?

No. You should feel bad about who’s President.

How do I cancel my DBF Patreon membership?

Support and answers for everything pledge-related is over here.

What happens if I cancel my membership? Will you get all mad?

Not at all. Gotta do what you gotta do. If you cancel your membership, you simply won’t be charged the next time a payment comes due.

But, in fairness, please know that, once you cancel, Max personally forbids you from listening to the episodes in the private feed any more. Don’t be a dick.

I’m mad about something Max said on the show and I want to cancel my DBF Patreon membership.

Sorry to lose you as a customer. Also, that wasn’t a question.

If I cancel my membership, should I passive-aggressively tweet about the reason I did it and why, by extension, you are all terrible people?

Naw. Thanks. We’re good.

What if I have a question or problem related to Patreon?

Please start by visiting Patreon’s Help Center. It is, as advertised, very helpful.

Hey, so, where do I get my bespoke members-only podcast feed?

Great question. It’s pretty straightforward. 

First, make sure you’re logged-in to Patreon, and go to our page. Look in the siderail for the “AUDIO RSS LINK” section. This location will vary based on your browser and device. You should see a little text box in there with an URL that starts with “”. That’s your personal, bespoke feed address. Please don’t share it with others.

On a desktop browser, you should see a handy “Copy Link” dingus that will do precisely that. Once it’s in your clipboard, add it to your pod catcher of choice.

On mobile, it’s a little trickier—and this is where a few people have run into trouble. You need to manually click in that field, and then select the whole URL before hitting “Copy.” Note that “Select All” may not be available, so make sure you manually draaaaaaag all the way from left to right and sop up all that linky goodness. Then, as on Desktop, paste it into whatever field in your podcast app will accept a URL.

MORE: Here’s a useful Patreon Help article: "How Do I Get and Use My Audio RSS Link?"  

If all else fails, Alex can help you when you email dobyfriday at gmail dot com. 

Can’t I just buy that nice poster without pledging to your Patreon?

For now, sorry, no.

If there’s enough demand for the nice poster once we run through the supply for our members, we’ll likely make them available to buy ala carte. Please stay tuned.

When will my nice poster arrive?

Your poster should ship a few weeks after you order.

Can I get my nice poster signed?

Well. You can certainly have someone sign it. But, we don’t currently have a way to personally sign stuff at scale. 

Plus, we each have terrible handwriting, and we’d probably just ruin the resale value of your nice poster.

My father is very wealthy and influential, and I love your program. How can I give you lots more money?

You’re in luck! Each pledge level is a floor, not a ceiling.

In other words, if you pledge at the “$10 per month” level, we’d love it if you chose to round that up to, say, $15 or $20 or what have you.

Think of it as a little contest. Will you be Cox’s Biggest Cuck? Only one way to find out. Go nuts!

Yeah, but–uh…uh–why don’t you just make money by [insert some other way of making money]?

Typical podcast ads feel like a weird match for DBF right now, and, frankly, a lot of listeners don’t like hearing ads. They can also be a hassle to do.

Selling merchandise can definitely be a great thing (and we’ll probably do that at some point), but t-shirts and stickers don’t provide a show of our particular size the steady trickle of income that makes a project sustainable in the longer term. 

Also, donating plasma is stressful, and selling black market Claritin-D is currently “”illegal.””

Do you recommend using Patreon for a thing that I do?

Uh. I mean. Not really? Just because it’s impossible to know what your deal is and whether the dozens of different decision vectors you need to consider would make Patreon a good fit for your project.

Also, yes: Merlin still uses OmniFocus.

Anything else I can do to make Alex like me?

We’re just glad you listen, and we’d be thrilled if you joined up here.

If you want to toot out a link to our Patreon and mention how awesome we are, we would not object.

We’re not made of stone.

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