Okay, okay, don't panic. No, we will not be closing down the Patreon (although I really did at some points consider it). Why am I bringing this up? Quite simply because I know I haven't been keeping up with this as much as you guys deserve. This past month I've been dealing with getting my life together in all aspects. The Patreon Podcast (which I will be changing the name of to start releasing my wise and also cringe words publicly), double livestreams daily, and MOVING.
For those of you who have kept up with me this past year you probably also realize the up's and down's that life sometimes just throws at you. I always felt like I had this wonderful foundation for all the dreams and goals I wanted to accomplish, but couldn't seem to ever consistently build on it. First and foremost, I had you guys. A little group of wonderful humans who believed in me to go the extra mile. I had my stream community who is one of the biggest reasons I was able to leave my job years ago to pursue this wild passion of just being myself on the internet. I had an apartment that costs me more than a third less than any place I could afford by a stroke of luck and that without it, I would never have been able to leave my parents home and mustered the courage to film YouTube videos (more on this on the newest Patreon Podcast).
Last month we discussed this exact same update and to be honest, I failed you guys. I won't deny it. Even though there's a lot of cool stuff happening that I feel like I am finally getting a hold of, I put this on the back burner and realized a bit late in the month that I completely was a giant mess of a person. This post is going to be blunt and straightforward. For the past couple months I've felt this weird sense of "drowning", as if the world was moving at a much faster pace than I could keep up with. I'm sure this all sounds familiar from our last post or podcast, but I won't deny it, it's extremely hard to fix in a day, or a month, or however long. Dealing with my anxiety and depression has been a struggle for me my entire life. This year it's only been worse. I've felt like I was on auto-pilot for the past few months, waking up everyday only to feel defeated. I didn't know where to start and I didn't how to start digging away at this mountain of responsibility I had in front of me. I couldn't get my stream schedule situated because I woke up in fear of not being good enough or that no one would really care if I wasn't live. I felt anxiety when tweeting out consistently to my peers that I had problem A, B, or C to deal with. I didn't have really anyone to talk to who would understand or could help me so I took it upon myself to figure it out... which in the long run I realize took me longer to do but gave me a sense of myself I never realized.
So after this rant what is my point? That I know I have been wrong and I apologize for the inconsistency of my promise to you, my supporters and friends who chose to support me in this way. However, I wanted to write this post in hopes to prove to you that things have really changed for me and for the first time in a really long time I feel happiness and the ability to control my life again. Again, with the foundation talk, I know that I am able to accomplish and what I can do. I haven't forgotten my dreams and goals and I want you to know that.
Here's the important note: To resolve the issues for this past month, I want you guys to know that I will be sending out ALL packages today priority shipping. I'll also be going over the current tiers and updating them to be adjusted to new goals that I want to set and/or packages I think you guys will like better (but more to come on that). If you choose to cancel before then, I COMPLETELY understand. In fact, I encourage you guys to cancel if you want to be proven. I adore you guys and just want to make this all worth it for you! For the month of August, I want to be asking YOU what's most important. Whether it be more shoots or no shoots at all, possibly more face time, or more personalized gifts. Who knows? The fact of the matter is this is going to get more priority in my life, along with the other dreams I have, but I won't fail you guys again. Thank you my loves.