First, understand that “a woman’s place” is wherever in the world she chooses it to be, so long as she follows a simple rule: Trust your instincts.
In their quest to own women, men have put a great deal of energy into convincing women that their instincts—that capricious thing we call intuition; that rich understanding which has been reduced and infantilized by way of science and culture—are silly at best and insane at worst. In this backwards society, women have internalized this belief and have unlearned what it is to truly know.
I am here to tell you where my instincts have failed me lately, though fortunately never physically. I can only thank god that I’ve never mistrusted a man at the same time he wanted sex. When this happens, all blame is duly thrust upon the disgusting individual who would do something so cruel and inhumane as commit rape, for when he does so he is making an active choice to abuse the faith she has put in his ability to be good to her; to help her to sleep and leave her alone.
The rapist takes a great gift—a woman’s kindness and strength of character—and decides it’s not enough for him right then. Impulsivity makes the rapist behave worse than the lowest animal, which even disparages animals to a level I’m not comfortable with. In the act, rapists become despicable and diabolical in every sense of the word and should feel the burning knives of lifelong punishment. They are not worthy of freedom unless they understand themselves. I really feel this way.
But our goal is to never misplace that sweetness and to give our amazing, truest selves only to the most deserving men. The others can fall by the wayside and evolve out of humanity just in they have evolved in. We need them for nothing; there are still men capable of love in this world. When I discuss things of "sweetness," I do not mean that benevolently sexist trope along “finishing school” lines. We are already finished; already bewitching; already so unbelievably powerful that men try to hold us back. Don’t let them! I cannot believe they hoodwinked us into thinking we need training for that!
In certain settings, men are primed to see and think of nothing but sex. This happens when they are in the mode of high-fiving and brahing out and they feed this vibe into one another until they are a pack of buffoons getting kicked out of perfectly good hotel rooms. I had the unique pain of experiencing such a situation not too long ago. Due to naivety and a bit of exhaustion, I mistook their interest in me to be of something other than sex—I thought we were speaking the language of business. Well, I was speaking the language of business, but they literally could not hear me. They saw me, thought “SEX,” and could not deviate from this script.
Once they were forcibly removed from the hotel from boy-partying too hard, I continued to manage their antics by notifying the front desk attendant (his name was Jeff—thanks, Jeff!) that the boys had no shuttle to take them to another location. I asked Jeff to call them four van-cabs, and he obliged.
I truly believed we could continue to hang out and work on a business plan, or at least be engaged in an interesting discussion, but even after I helped them—brought them luck at the blackjack tables, fetched them beers from the bathroom where the strippers were readying themselves, and secured them transportation to the next hotel—they saw me as a working girl and not much else.
Of course, sex work has always had its place in modern society and I’d never disrespect a woman who used that angle to make her life work. But it isn’t what I do, mostly for traditional reasons. If you’re brave and you got it—hey, ladies, I admire your courage.
I do understand the average attention span of the current age and fear that if I don’t sign off soon, I’ll lose you. Maybe I already have. Here’s something fun: I just had a lengthy conversation with a stranger about my psychiatric hospitalization and his upcoming MRI in a 24-hour diner. I love meeting strangers.
Here is the moral of this post if you can stand it: Women’s
instincts are to be trusted above all; they are anything but childish or
nonsensical. Our way of knowing springs forth from a history of being women in
a world full of brutes. We contain more power than I can begin to discuss here.
Have faith, trust yourselves, and don’t get involved with packs of suit-jacketed men in casinos. They are no good, and probably belong to some gross club of conformity that regards women with none of the deference they deserve.