Like many of you, I am not the girl I once was, and not the person I became once I left that girl behind. What I am now is a 40 plus woman who is trying to find her feet. As a consequence of this, I am finding myself with less tolerance for things that I put up with for so much of my life.
For example: Trying to make plans with someone. Once upon a time if Itried to make plans with someone and they said 'If nothing comes up I will be there', I would smile and nod. Now, I see that same statement as 'If nothing BETTER comes up, I will be there'. See what I mean....If you want to do something, then commit.....therefore, nothing short of illness/exhaustion/child issues etc can 'come up'. To me, that makes sense.
Another example: Last minute invites. Getting a text at 3:45 p.m. on a Sunday that reads 'You guys are coming for Sunday Dinner right? We are having friends over.'. Once upon a time I would say 'sure', becuase I would feel obligated to attend, and scramble to make it work. Now, I see that invite as this 'We just realized no one is coming, and since you have no life, we thought you could come over' - READ AFTERTHOUGHT.
So in an attempt to make my own life easier and derive some sort of joy out of the time I have, I have learned a new word. Are you ready for it? It is a hard one to say...it's one no one likes to hear (especially LD, GG, MM and AJ), but it is one that has become a new part of my vocabulary. Here it is....
It is small but it is mighty...
No I will not get out of bed to see the video you must show me on your iphone.
No I will not let you take my car because yours it out of gas.
No I will not babysit your dogs at your house for 2 weeks.
No I will not wait home all day because you 'might pop over later'
No I will not drop everything to go for a drive with you while you rant about your BF who treats you like garbage and you should have left 10 years ago.
No I will not take away my family for yours anymore....
Saying no so much is quite liberating, and quite guilt provoking at the same time. I love having the guts to say it, but hate how it makes me feel afterwards. I mean ...what if that video is important (it isn't). What if she needs to go somewhere important (She doesn't). What if what if what if...
The next stage of this liberation/how to be an asshole game will be letting go of the guilt thats associated with saying no. Wish me luck.