I'm gonna start throwing these in here...
 
Dunno why, but I've been channeling Marrusfucious. Some are more pithy than others, but they all crack me up, and isn't that what's important?

--When bedding gutter punks, one does not awake with crabs, but crusty-aceans. 

--If one can't look away from the band at a Jewish wedding, one is klezmerized.

--I hope Margaret Atwood has sent Trump a thank you card for the massive spike in her book sales..

--There are no boring stories if one is a talented storyteller.