The past week has been crazy for me. My dad was admitted to the hospital for open heart surgery (he's doing great now), both of my children and I caught a stomach virus, I've been meeting or exceeding my fitness goals and walking 6–11 miles a day (every single day), I've been struggling to meet a deadline for nursing school, and I didn't get to bed until 7 AM the last two nights in a row because I was up all night filming.
This would be a good moment to give my husband a shout out. Most of you don't realize it, but he's a behind-the-scenes ASMR hero. He doesn't get ASMR, but he totally gets *me*, so he does things like bring our infant daughter to stroll laps around Wal-Mart at 4 AM so her fussing doesn't interrupt my filming. Seriously, that's a thing he did this morning. He loses a lot of sleep to support my work on this channel, and he's never expressed anything other than kindness and encouragement over it. Thank you, Mr. Jellybean. <3
Anyway, I was feeling pretty badass this morning as I plowed through the end of another greet-the-sunrise filming session. I glanced at my to-do list and calculated how much sleep I could squeeze in first, my right eye watering involuntarily from exhaustion. Then, as I walked out of my studio/closet, I smacked my face on the door frame. It hurt.
And then I realized: I'm not being badass. I'm being ridiculous. I live in a society that practically fetishizes busyness, this was not news to me, but I hadn't realized until that moment exactly how heavily I'd bought into the whole thing and how much it's hurting me. I'm proud to be a hard worker. When I get a lot accomplished, I feel good about myself. Those things are great! I also find that if I'm not constantly working, producing, achieving, I drift into an emotional crisis where I lose a lot of faith in my self worth. Not great. I recently wrote to another content creator whom I admire and told her that I struggle with the idea of being "enough". Today I know that, for all my hard work, that's the one thing I should really be working on.
This doesn't mean less content from me—don't worry, that's not where this is heading. This just means that I'm going to dedicate myself to working smarter, not harder, and I'm going to give myself permission to take pride in who I am just as much as what I do. And, in case any of you are even a little bit like me, I wanted very much to invite you to do the same.
Relax. It's okay to relax. Whatever work you do to make this world a better place is greatly appreciated, no matter how big or small. On behalf of the world, I thank you. But you don't need to achieve a single thing to prove that you deserve to be here. That's your birthright. No one can take it away from you, and if you've voluntarily set it aside along the way, you can reclaim it any time because it's YOURS.
You are awesome. You are enough. You belong here.
Now go enjoy the little space in human history that's been assigned to you. Stretch your legs, decorate the walls, take a nap—whatever you want. It's yours. <3