So... I've worked super hard on two new Patreon exlusives — one cover video (probably my favourite cover of all the 140 I have on my youtube!) and 1 free mp3 download of a new demo — and this morning I ran to upload it to finally get to show it to you and now ... my internet is failing me and after 10 hours there is still 456 minutes left...
... so in the mean time, I thought I'd share some small updates and thoughts about what I've been up to lately, that I also posted this morning on my Tumblr :) Being back to the process of recording an album, I found myself reading through the album journals I wrote during the recording of my last album "I Must Be Gone and Live, or Stay and Die". It's somehow a beautiful feeling to remind myself of the fact that I've faced all these feelings before, and conquered them. I pushed through, learned, and actually achieved the goal of creating a new album. In my book "Another Vagabond Lost To Love" I included this album journal called "The Making of a Record", and going back to read this gave me a lot of comfort today. I hope you like it, and hopefully the video will be uploaded and ready for you in time for your morning coffee tomorrow! :) Tons of love, hugs and hope <3
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The last couple of years I have dedicated myself whole heartedly to this mission of creating something of all these seemingly strange thoughts and feelings in my little mind. Somehow that resulted in over 75 released songs over four years, of which I’ve written, produced and recorded all by myself. Since my last album, exactly one year ago tomorrow, I have consciously made the decision to go on in a different way. Instead of immediately starting on a new album I have let myself just… wander. Learn, grow and experience. As a writer, singer and simply as Charlotte. I’ve read hundreds of books, studied new and old music on repeat, gone to places, forced myself to live in the same town for longer than I ever have, and met people with a different way of living than I have.
The writers and songwriters I personally look up to are those who dared to live their lives to the fullest, and then used their chosen art-form as a way to expand those experiences—expand their lives. Capture them, dig deeper into them, and at the same time show whoever is around to listen that nothing is ever felt alone.
That’s the kind of artist I want to be. I don’t want a one-year shoot to the top just to fall to the ground just as quickly. I don’t want to be a “trendy” artist. I don’t want to fit my sound into what works for the market or radio or media right now. I want to just simply be… me. I want to build my personally together with my catalogue of albums and books. I want to build my following and fanbase by shaking hands and say “Hi, I’m Charlotte, what’s your name?”
I want to know the people I’m singing to, and I want you to know me.
During my UK Tour last month I told everyone about what I have been up to lately and how after a year of wandering my songs just started to appear in front of me again, naturally, begging to be written. I’m now putting all my strength and passion into creating a new album, and just like I told all of them on tour I want to tell all of you who I didn’t get the chance to meet and hug yet:
I know I’m extremely lucky to be able to take my time and develop as an artist, as a writer, and as a person in this beautifully peaceful and independent way, and the only reason I can do it this way is because of you who keeps supporting me, even through these phases without any new albums or books. I believe with all my heart that these seemingly empty phases are what will enable me to create the absolutely best work, to my fullest potential. And to those of you have stood by me and kept supporting me through Patreon, donations or by buying my music and merch: I promise I will fight with all my little restless heart to not let you down.
Thank you, danke, merci, tack tack tack. I love you all to the moon and back ♥
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The Making of a Record
Making a record is like doing an open heart surgery, on yourself, while the whole world is watching. Even though most of the world doesn’t care and wouldn’t mind and can’t care less – that is what it feels like. They point and say “there she walks” and I close the door and try not to care, try not to notice the words and thoughts and whispers from all over and nowhere, for I remember when things were different. When people didn’t eat my words like wolves but just simply took them as they were
and things were free and I was free.
but I am not free anymore,
for there are people watching.
And I call some of them “very close friends” but still I can’t decide my name and they don’t know what to call me and I’ve moved too many times the last few years so the letters go missing and again there I walk, feeling fingers pointing loud saying “there she walks”, and here I am. Still alive. Who would have guessed, right?
Making a record is an open heart surgery. You rip out every organ, every impression, every trace of character and lay it out on the floor. You rearrange, try to make sense, piece it together. Some days you wake up energised and motivated, and you find yourself saying things like “I’ve never felt this alive”, and “now I will finally show them who I always knew I could be.” But then there are other days you fall asleep, drunk and alone on the floor, and wake up without having slept at all and the songs sound empty and the open heart surgery is failing, blood is lacking and so are you. You look at the pieces on the floor and find yourself saying things like “I didn’t know this part was so ugly...” and “how could I ever let someone see this...” You want to take your very own inner pieces and bury them far and deep so no one ever knows and you walk for miles to maybe not find your way back, but you always do for that is the thing.
Making a record is an open heart surgery and the heart is a strong muscle, can take more than we want to know, and maybe it beats a little out of rhythm from time to time but it always survives, most of the time, and it’s tiring and you’re exposed, to yourself and your friends and the world all around, but this is your chance to piece yourself back together. In a better way. In the way you want it to be. You can shape and rearrange and redesign and tear apart. Find cracks and fill them up with poetry and rhyme, and this is my chance to clean things up. Clean this up. Clean my past up.
Life is an open heart surgery, some years, these years, and this is my chance to make it right. Tear apart and fill the cracks. Make it fit and last and shine, so I don’t ever have to run away from friends or things or dreams, alone in fear, ever again, like I’ve done, because of shame –maybe – but this is my chance to make things right.
It was a long day and my voice is sore and the words didn’t fit or find their ways, but here I am. Closed door, feeling fingers pointing loud saying “she’s in there,” but I made it fit at last. The last song done and closed and saved, and here I am. Heart still beating. Back together. The cracks are filled, the wounds healed up, almost, and I’m still here.
My record is done.
I never thought I would get to say that again.