Ever since the abandonment of the city of Sharlayan by its inhabitants, new and fascinating discoveries have been made. We’ve collectively learned of a great deal of bizarre arcane objects whose power is practically beyond comprehension. But recently, the most powerful artifact of all has been discovered:

The Throne of the Archon.

The Throne is hailed as a source of infinite knowledge, the answer to all questions, the be all and end all, the final authority on all discovery. The chair, however, is more dangerous than it first appears. To the untrained eye, it seems a mere chair, but the truth is immensely dangerous: It’s cursed by mages from the War of the Magi, a leftover weapon in the war between Amdapor and Mhach!

The details are well-established: the throne grants infinite knowledge to all who sit upon it. Anyone who sits upon it can get an undeniably factual answer to one question, any one question in the world, without fear of harm. But the true danger comes after that tantalizing taste, for it’s a trap: the longer you stay upon it, the more it exerts its power upon you. Within minutes, as you ask more and more questions, your head will explode violently, spraying your knowledge across your surroundings in a violent burst. The chair’s victims are innumerable, for the temptation of such knowledge is terrible in its power.

Worst of all is the most dangerous lure of the chair: it CAN bestow its infinite knowledge without harming the user. However, it will only do so for those it deems worthy.

One such victim is a man named Jace Hunter, who, though he survived his encounter, was irreparably damaged - he is convinced he is the, quote, “Greatest mind in all Eorzea” despite this being provably false. Truly a tragic tale.

This leads us to the obvious conclusion: We can finally cleanse the city of Ishgard of stuck-up and arrogant bastards by telling them all this information and watching the train of elezen exploding. An unkind solution? Yes. But a morally vital one all the same.

There’s only one course of action. We must do the right thing, Eorzea.

As an aside, we predict the same solution will not work for the city of Limsa Lominsa, because nobody from there is smart enough to comprehend the potential power of the artifact. Truly, they would only be interested if it built their muscles rather than their minds.

The current owner of the chair is a woman who has been seen riding it across Eorzea like some kind of mount. Truly, she must be worthy of its knowledge - and all had best fear her accordingly should they encounter her.

Be wary, readers, and be careful around any suspicious seats, or you may find yourself a splattermark.

Written by chair enthusiast  Edel Geraldine

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