UPDATE (10/1/21): The special promotion is now over. If you would like a tote, you can sign-up or upgrade for the Tote Gourd or Platinum Gourd tiers. Check out the membership page for more info. Thanks!
- - -
Hello, patrons! We're happy to debut, on this first day of autumn, a brand new, Patreon-exclusive tote bag commemorating our all-time most-read article, Colin Nissan's "It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers."
The tote is suitable for carrying many different items, be they pumpkin-spiced muffins, pumpkin-spiced lattes, or, yes, of course, even motherfucking pumpkin-spiced gourds. Best of all, it is being offered exclusively to all current and new patrons of McSweeney's Internet Tendency for a limited time.
Now, we know you might have questions about how this works, so here's an FAQ to help answer all or hopefully most of them:
Q: How big is the tote?
A: It is a 13” x 14”, 10-ounce cotton tote, with 25” spun-polyester straps. It was designed by our in-house art team and illustrated by Anuj Shrestha. We have not tried yet, but we think it could fit anywhere from 6 to 83 gourds, depending on the size of the gourds and the will of the person trying to fit all of their gourds into the tote.
Q: So the totes come complimentary for which patrons again?
A: From now until October 1st, 2021, the gourd tote is complimentary for all current and new Silver Gourd, Gold Gourd, and Platinum Gourd members of our Patreon. Those patrons can head over to this page for information on how to order their free tote. We have limited supplies, so first come first serve. We will, however, make more should that be necessary.
Q: If I'm signed up at a lower tier, am I eligible to receive a complimentary tote?
A: Decorative Gourd and Bronze Gourd patrons are not eligible for the tote. However, if they upgrade their membership before October 1st, 2021, to the Silver Gourd tier or above, they will become eligible for the free tote.
Q: What's all this "before October 1st, 2021" business?
A: This is a special offer for current and new patrons, but only lasts until October 1, 2021. On that day, the offer ends and the only way to get a tote is to become a member at either a newly created Gourd Tote tier (which will be at $30/month) or the Platinum Gourd tier ($50/month).
Q: Okay, I think I got it. Where again can I order the tote if/when I am eligible?
A: Go to this page before October 1st, 2021, for instructions on how to order the tote. Remember: This special promotion will end on October 1st, 2021, and this ordering page will no longer exist.
Feel free to ask any other questions in the comments below. Otherwise, go get tote-bag ordering while supplies last!
Happy fall, fuckheads, and thanks again for your patronage!
- Chris & McSweeney's