In a world where systemic oppression, brain-washing, spiritual narcissism and other forms of psychological, energetic, spiritual and emotional abuse runs rampant under the guise of "personal growth", values, religion and even romantic relationships, doing a regular audit of our beliefs is so necessary.
A few days ago on my personal Facebook page, I announced that I am in the middle of healing from a break-up. Between this situation AND my recent awakening about the fact that the Spiritual Healing Community, Feminist Leadership, Personal Growth Industry and many Entrepreneurial Circles are intrinsically toxic and racist, I've been in DEEP introspection, while unpacking my beliefs.
It's scary to dissect your beliefs. It's alarming to discover how many of them ACTUALLY don't belong to you. It's even scary when you realize, you need to denounce some of those beliefs. PARTICULARLY if you're a leader, public figure, teacher or space holder of any sort. Chances are, we've passed some of these beliefs on to those we serve, lead, teach and hold space for. At times, unintentionally. Because of this, the moment a belief we used to hold no longer resonates, we have a Divine responsibility to tell the truth.
There was a time where I believed in destiny. Now? I believe that WE get to define an ideal vision that we work toward fulfilling from a free-will, co-creative process, coupled with the sacred contracts we made before incarnating.
To change your beliefs, you must be brave. You must be deeply attuned to your own Soul/Higher Self. It requires peeling back the layers and asking questions of your questions. Then asking questions of your answers.
It means being accountable even when it's uncomfortable. Speaking up even when we fear being ostracized. Telling YOUR truth even if it means folx will walk away from us.
Beliefs are wildly enmeshed with those around us: family, friends, romantic partners, colleagues, teachers, mentors, healers, leaders we look up to and society as a whole. In fact ... most beliefs you have aren't actually YOURS ... you inherited them.
Worth noting, your beliefs are what make you WHO you are. It's what defines your core values. It's part of the dynamic of whether or not you can actually align with your Soul's Purpose, Calling & Mission.
If your beliefs are inauthentic to you ... it WILL create mental, spiritual, emotional, energetic and psychological blocks. It will generate unnecessary obstacles. It will cause you to hold on to things far after their expiration date. Invalid beliefs can also incite unhealthy behaviors, obsessions, addictions and more pain than you really need to experience for your Soul's evolution.
In recent times, one of the beliefs I held that was causing me blocks, pain, stress and confusion is the belief that when it comes to romantic relationships, the theory of Twin Flames was real and EVERYONE would meet their Twin Flame in this lifetime if they were committed to the journey of personal, spiritual and emotional growth, while also being positioned for ascension.
For those who don't know, the theory of Twin Flames it's sorta like "Soulmates" but of a higher form. (Not sure what a Twin Flame is? Google it. It's too triggering of a theory for me to discuss).
Are Twin Flames real? I don't know. But what I CAN tell you ... is at this stage of my life and after believing I had found mine ... this belief caused more pain than pleasure. Do I regret the relationship itself? HELL NO. There were things brought to the surface for healing, deeper levels of lessons I needed to learn and there was a lifelong pattern I needed to break free from, that this relationship ABSOLUTELY helped me shift.
Even if the Twin Flame dynamic IS real ... I encountered what's called a "False Twin Flame". You can read about that here, at this link and here.
It was my erroneous focus on Twin Flames (spiritual jargon) and being conditioned to spiritually bypass pain, rather than confronting it head on that kept me committed far longer than necessary to a relationship that no longer served me. Was it a necessary relationship? Ultimately YES. The issue was, I stayed far longer than I should. The lessons had been learned 6-7 MONTHS ago and I felt intuitively guided to end it, yet I held on.
If I had of listened to the blaring sirens of my discernment, intuition and the subtle clues from my Guides, this relationship actually wouldn't have lasted long at all. Instead ... I was headed to focusing on marriage, creating a family unit, merging our businesses and being hella public about "our love".
External guidance from well-meaning friends, Healers & Spiritual Teachers led me to believe that the clues to walk, were actually signs of my own resistance. I was told this was my Twin Flame (my ex-partner drilled that into me also) and I was being a "runner" and refusing to acknowledge a gift that was in front of me.
So I did what any confused, brainwashed and dedicated spiritual seeker does: I smiled, nodded and focused on the 10% that WAS good and ignored the 90% that felt off, bad, toxic and draining.
So at this point, I don't give a damn if Twin Flames ARE real. I am releasing this belief from my own human experience. For many reasons. It's been leading me to:
- Being overly critical and judgmental. I've encountered a few incredible women during the 3 years of my pre-relationship celibacy whom probably would have been far more ideal to date ... yet because I was looking for my Twin Flame due to spiritual teachings and following a bullshit check-list, I ignored great potentials. I didn't even consider any of them.
- I was going down the rabbit-hole with my partner CONSTANTLY trying to validate whether or not she was "The One" ... i.e my Twin Flame and we curated stories to fit that ideology. Your mind starts to believe whatever you tell it to believe.
- I was comparing others against a set of spiritual and energetic bulletpoints that I can't even prove exist and quite truthfully felt far-fetched for my current experience as a human.
When I begin dating again (which won't be for awhile ... I'm taking at least a year to heal and recover), the person I choose as THE ONE will be that because *I* said they are. Not some bullshit checklist or beliefs from others who aren't even in the relationship.
In my world, to intentionally & lovingly choose a person is much more powerful, affirming & romantic than waiting for the cosmos to drop obscure clues about this so-called ideal mate. It restores sovereignty and agency. It restores the joy of dating, without the need to validate externally. It keeps the sacredness between two people, rather than being defined by internet gurus, spiritual leaders, healers (some whom may actually be charlatans) and well-meaning people who are just as brainwashed or uncertain of what's real as I was.
A week ago I decided: I am my own fucking guru. I will lead from my experience ... not just by what I've been taught. My spiritual teachings will also give space for the student/reader/seeker to identify if something organically resonates. Rather than holding space for other people's healing ... I am committed to my own and will simply share my journey.
To be honest, I want to destroy every single thing I've created up to this point. Burn all my writings. Recreate my programs. Continue to prune beliefs that aren't mine. I'm allowed to decide differently ... therefore that's what I'm doing. I'm not a hypocrite. I'm not back-peddling. I'm not confused. I'm evolving. Along with my evolution, I will share new insights, beliefs and ideas all while challenging others to use their own gifts of discernment, intuition and Divine connection.
Be your own leader.
Be your own guru.
Be your own healer.
Be your own best teacher.
Be your own best friend.
Everyone else? They are simply PARTNERS in the human experience that you call life. Do not give your power away.
Truth-seeking ain't linear, y'all. It's not neat and beautifully packaged. It's abstract. Spanning all time and space. Messy AF. And at times painful.
We are allowed to be broken while we lead, teach and hold space, as long as we keep it honest and never pretend to have all the answers. It's in the cracks of the brokenness that the light shines through. Allow yourself to be filled.
We are NOT out of integrity or hypocrites when we change our mind. We are only out of integrity when we don't tell the truth about the shifts in beliefs or if we refuse to look at our beliefs for auditing in the first place.
“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
~ Anais Nin
This weekend I will be sharing more about unpacking your beliefs. However, you must be a paid Patron to join. I will be sharing different things depending on the level of membership a Patron is subscribed to.
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For now, I want to hear from YOU. In the comments, tell me about a BB (bullshit belief) you used to have that did more harm than good.
Thanks for reading and I can't wait to see YOUR response.