June 2016 patron supported
 
Thank you so much for the support this month!
Tier Benefits
I'm not sure why you're doing this, but I'm grateful
$1 or more per month
I'd be more than happy to thank you via email, have a chat, shoot the breeze, etc. If you're ever in Eastern Europe we can go do a little drinking together, if that happens to be your pastime.
Now I'm even more confused about your motivations. You're exceptionally kind nonetheless
$5 or more per month
As with the other rewards, the least I can do is reach out. It's a strange thing, giving strangers money, especially when their work is as pointless as mine. Nonetheless the effort is enormously appreciated, of course. I'll throw you my Steam handle, house keys, life savings, whatever. That was a joke of course; you can't have my Steam handle.
Why are you doing this. Why are you giving money to strangers
$10 or more per month
If you're a reader, drop me your email at [email protected] and I'll get my books over to you as Epub, Mobi, or PDF files—that's the least I can do. All I can say is I hope you enjoy short stories and poor plotting. 


You are now essentially funding my poor excuse for an operation
$20 or more per month
If you would like, we can have a little Skype chat. How about that? Now, I have very little to say, and even less desire to actually say it, but say it I will. I will also read bedtime stories, fan-fiction, or death threats. I'll also throw in the last 3 books: short stories and two novels guaranteed to suck out the last of your resolve to continue living. And a bag of gold. I'm lying about the bag of gold. It's a mere pouch I'm afraid. Beggars can't be choosers. You should count yourself lucky. Chump.
This is getting ridiculous now
$40 or more per month
Maybe you weren't aware (because you never take an interest in anything? Do you? It's all you, you, you) but I write piano music - https://soundcloud.com/exurbia-1

And as a little thank you, I will gladly write you your very own piano piece. Just name the title and it's all yours - recorded on a grand piano. 


Everything else in previous rewards is obviously included, and you will have my eternal appreciation, and potential dibs on my first born.

No, my mistake, now this is ridiculous
$60 or more per month
In the unlikely event anyone is this insane, I'd be happy to provide: Backflips, dark matter, personalised music,  a Skype chat, just name it. You'll have my dying, and undying love, as well as access to my apartment - though I can't tell you my address - and I'll send you a little novelty package of surprises, if you're kind enough to provide a shipping address.
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