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Live Through This: Megan Rotatori
Megan Rotatori, originally from Medway, MA, is a student at the University of Vermont. She was 20 years old when I interviewed her in Boston, MA on April 5, 2014.

Des: What does a suicidal person look like?

Megan: I think they can look like anything. Literally any race, religion, ethnicity, anything. Any age.

I feel like a lot of people... I don’t want to say [they] don’t believe me, but for an example: when I was in the hospital for my woman’s program for a week, I didn’t tell any of my friends at school while I was there. But, of course, I was getting a bunch of texts, like, “Where are you?” “Are you sick?” “Why aren’t you in school?”

So, when I did see them, I didn’t tell them the whole thing. I just kind of glazed over some details and basically told them I was just going there to figure some things out, and I had just been really depressed and feeling suicidal. I also always had really bad body image too, so I was also having some troubles with that, some troubles with abusing my medications.

I just kind of told them, "I need to figure out a lot of these things right now."

And they didn’t care at all; not at all. I'm not friends with a single one of them anymore. One of them was going through a breakup and everyone was just caring all about that, which was fine. I understand breakups can be really hard, but I was just like, "Okay, I think what I am going through deems a little more than an, “Okay, cool,” kind of response." I don’t know if it’s that they didn’t know what to say, they didn’t know what to ask or what to say, because I’d rather have people ask me about it than be afraid to and just have misconceptions.

My roommate in college now, I upfront basically told her everything so she would know. I didn’t want to have to hide it or come out piece by piece with my life story. I kind of laid it all on the table.

I was like, "If you are confused about something or anything, just ask me. I am not going to be offended by your questions. I’d rather you want to understand than just keep it to yourself and be like, “Oh, my roommate's a crazy person.”" One of the things I hate the most is the stereotype of "crazy," "psychotic," or whatever, 'cause I have definitely been called that by some people.

I feel like, when you are diagnosed with a mental illness, then everything you do comes back to that. It’s like, "Maybe I just felt like being a bitch today, and it has nothing to do with that."

Des: Not actually crazy, just a bitch!

Megan: Exactly. I feel like everyone's like, “Oh, you are acting this way,” or, “You are having a bad day,” it’s because you’re "psychotic" or whatever.

It’s like, "No, I’m just having a bad day like every other person in the world does."

No one has good days all the time.

Read the rest of Megan's story here.

If you’re feeling suicidal, please talk to somebody. You can reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or Trans Lifeline at 1-877-565-8860. If you don't like the phone, check out Lifeline Crisis Chat or Crisis Text Line. If you're not in the U.S., click here for a link to crisis centers around the world.