I'm in a place of retreat. After over two months on the road, without a base to call "home", I'm finally in a place I feel like I can land in for a while.
A 13th Century Manor House. It's walls are crooked and I can barely find the light switches hidden behind shoe racks. There are mice, who I am making friends with. Little do they know I am vegan, poor sods.
I'm hoping to finish off poems, songs, whatever comes to mind whilst I have the space, and in the meantime thought I would share with you what I discovered in my rummagings.
It's a track from an EP that me and my brother recorded for my Dad as a Birthday present last Summer. It's funny, listening to it now. I can really see how much it encapsulated what we were both going through when we recorded it. We were both in quite intense emotional states at the time, the room was swealteringly hot (not very good for the nylon guitar and cello), and Nick's hand was still recovering from being impailed with the stem of a wine glass. But, I can now see it's charm, in the way it meant something then that it will never mean again, especially after we dismissed it as not good enough, half committing ourselves to recording a "better"
version that we've never got round to.
Sometimes you have to listen back, look back, in order to see how much you were holding, to grow upwards. I have left behind so many tethers that were holding me down, and just now, out walking in the sodden, barely distinguishable paths of the Somerset fields, I made myself laugh at how I purposefuly ignored the footpath sign because I wanted to go the other way.
Of course, I only got so far before I met a stinking pond, and had to back-track and follow the path. As I retraced my steps, I imagined all my signficant decisions and moments laid out beside me on the hedgerows, the fence posts, the barbed wire; the joyful, the life-changing, the hurtful.
But I won't ever change, I'll always want to explore the hidden corners, even if I get wet feet, because that's how you know you are alive.
And you meet the others who are wiling to take the risks in life, to discover a path that is full of the unexpected, excitement of experience.
So here it is; Future Toll. Written by my brother, Nicholas Smout.
P.S. There are some exciting music/recording goings on over the next month or
two.....watch this space!