I'm sorry things have been so quiet from yours truly. My family has suffered a great loss this last week. I am happy to be here, and thrilled to get to share this short video of some truly beautiful artwork of yours truly created at Los Feliz Life Drawing Studio the morning of December 17th, 2016, aka the day that my grandfather passed away. Through the long moments of sitting still, knowing that I would be meeting my family, who traveled overnight from all over the country through blizzards and on red-eyed-flights, at the hospital afterwards so that we could say a prayer and be together to say goodbye to "my Papa," I sat in silence, overwhelmed by this amazing life I live. Saturday was truly a beautiful day. I am so grateful every moment to get to do what I do and to express myself so fully through the talent of others. So many thank you's to all these artists that have helped me to commemorate this once-in-a-lifetime experience. You can find them all on My Instagram.
I won't go into too many details, but I will mention that my Papa was the most important man in the world to me. My triumpsh and my moments of happiness in this life would not have existed without him. The last time I called him was a week ago today, and I made him laugh - A rare feat. I will miss him endlessly, and I am so, so, so blessed to have known him.
Because my patreon world is all about #JNT uncensored, I'd like to share with you parts of my journal entry from that day down below, and to wish you all the happiest of holidays, and to remind us all how important it is to say I love you to the people we care about most.
It was a choatic weekend, but I am sleepy and snuggly at home with my dear kitty CiCi. I'm mailing out my HO-liday gifts today, which all got put on hold by my family-togetherness. It will all be heading your way tomorrow, I promise!
Take care and with all my love for all that you do,
"12-17-16 : Saturday
Today we "lost" my papa - which is a funny way to put it, because i think that it is actually all of us who are now lost. Papa is found. he knows exactly where he is. it's us left behind who have to figure out what now - we all have to cope and we all cope differently and we all have to try to not fall apart about it or turn on each other during it. it is late, i am tired, so so very tired, and today was an incredible, beautiful, powerful, life-changing, adenture of a day and i am beyond insanely grateful for every second of it. i am so overwhelmingly thankful, to my family, to my friends, my sister, ; I am so overwhelmingly thankful for Life. Death is so beautiful and so necessary and so insanely impossible to comprehend. How incredibly fortunate we are - how amazing, how beautiful, how powerful, how miraculous, to all be in that room together. to hold each other and to hold papa as he took his last breaths. I feel so lost trying to imagine my life without him. I am so thankful for the life I have because of him."
As I held my papa's hand as we prayed together, over a dozen of us squeezed into that small hospital room; daughters, grandkids, and great-grandkids who have all been so blessed by this caring, wonderful, beautiful, proud man; as we removed the tubes and turned off the machines, as his heart rate steadily slowed, as he took his last breath, there's no where in the world I wanted to be but right there. It occurred to me then, that I'd never really held his hand before. Not since I was a little, little, girl.
Life. Is. So. Beautiful.
I will breathe, I will be here, I will love, and No Matter What, I Will Pose.
I miss you endlessly Papa. Rest easy Papa. Smile Papa. And say hi to Mom for me.