That is the world I live in, one of kindness, acceptance, grace. Many would call me a fool, some would even call me a target. And perhaps I have become targeted by those with hardened hearts and deceitful agendas, but I choose to remain kind, accepting, and humble.
So then why am I so tired and agitated?
Repeatedly running into a wall at 100 mph is the best way to describe how I feel. Everything hurts from my head to my heart. Confused and dazed by the actions of others.
Giving my time, energy, positivity to others, I am an investor in people. Relationships are built over time by caring for another, establishing trust, and withholding judgment. In my humble opinion, I believe that is what all beings should do for each other. Can you think of a single thing more important in this life?
When I am down, going through a difficult time, experiencing growing pains of my own I have noticed not all people return those courtesies. In fact, some will do things to worsen my pain. Often this happens in the form of passing judgment on situations having absolutely nothing to do with them. Why? Why would you do this to another person? Sadly, I have recently realized there are people who are not interested in the welfare of their fellow human but only in their own opinions.
Every single time this happens, it’s a strike to my chest. The pain is deep and the sadness is great.
When you were knocked to the ground I knelt down and held your hand. I comforted you with understanding and kindness guarding your words like secret gardens. Others judged you and tried to push you into directions they thought best for you. I listened and encouraged you to find your own way, one feeling right for you.
The tables are now reversed, I have been knocked to the ground. You stand high above me. All I see is your back. Each word that leaves you lips is drenched in judgment. Spewing from your mouth is nothing but your own opinions, each piercing my already burdened heart. Now I am grieving as I know you have forsaken me, our relationship has come to the end of its life. You do not even turn to look at me. Instead, you carry on with your head held high with pride. After all, you would never be in the same situation because you would have done things so much differently, so you tell yourself.
But you were here and you did not make different choices. The only difference being when you were down I lifted you up and held you in love.
Now I am down and you kick me spite and malice.
I weep for you and for me. I do not regret holding you with love. Great sorrow fills me as I know now I must close the door on you. You can no longer hold space in my heart. So I say goodbye to you. I send you away with love. You are no longer my friend.
Will condescension shed light when your world is dark? Will opinion embrace you or speculations encourage you? No, and no longer will I.
When you are down I will not stop to kneel and embrace you in love. Instead, I will walk by as though I see nothing. Sorrow will fill me as I do, but not as great as this sadness I have endured at your hands.
So go, leave from me. We have no further relationship to nurture. As you leave, I seal the door behind you and I release you in fondness. No ill feelings to be found. The world is full of war and rage, but I choose kindness, I choose love.
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