Last update I promised to upload more, but after that, there was only silence. It's not that I didn't want to post anything, or that nothing happened, or that I was so busy I could't get to my computer. No, I just didn't dare.
Perfectionism and the lack of self esteem is a very, very bad combination. I'd love to talk with you about my new costumes, or epic collaborations, and even just random stuff that's on my mind. But at the same time a little voice in my head keeps saying "nah, people don't want to see this. Go make something better". But I can't come up with something better, so I end up posting nothing.
It's not just my Patreon, it's also my Facebook and Instagram (my reach is extremely low, so I get fewer likes and comments, which makes me wonder if it's still worth posting anything), and even real life (on the 4 days of Castlefest, I only wore my costume once, because people didn't seem to like it as much as my previous costumes). I don't dare starting new costumes, I don't dare planning new shoots, and I'm so extremely scared to start my own brand (which is supposed to be a real thing in less than a year! QQ) I just feel like a small girl in a room filled with gigantic, childeating spiders.
So yeah, here we are. I haven't really done anything productive this summer, and I feel terrible. Time to change things! First of all, I will post more personal stuff on here. I already feel like this is giving me more confidence, and hopefully people will understand I'm just a person, and won't get mad at me (one of my biggest fears..). I will also force myself to post something every other day, with a special "supporters-only" post at least once a week. Feel free to help me with this! If you're interested about something, just tell me I should write about it!Secondly, I will start making some serious life choices. Found out what's important, focus on the things that matter, and start doing things that make me happy. Maybe it's time to get back into therapy? And thirdly: I will be asking for more feedback. Stop thinking about what people might think of me, and start asking them.
So, tell me: what do you think of awkward updates like this one? Is it nice to know what happens inside my chaotic head, or is this all just very uncomfortable or annoying?
I'm totally the worst Patreon owner ever.. But let's try again.. LET'S DO THIS!