Momentos: January 16th – January 31st, 2020

These are my Momentos, short personal diary entries I write daily – since 2013 – and publish twice a month. Patrons see the newest batch a few days before everyone else.

16

Once, when I was young and drunk, I stole a bottle of whiskey and pissed on the steps of a courthouse to impress some friends. Teenagers do shit like that. And most, like me, never suffer any consequences. Some do though, and their lives go off in a different direction. 

17

Putting in the reps today, even though I'd rather not. 

"When a habit is truly important to you, you have to be willing to stick to it in any mood. Professionals take action even when the mood isn’t right. They might not enjoy it, but they find a way to put the reps in." – James Clear, Atomic Habits 

18

I'm an affiliate for several companies. One in particular is a pain in the ass. They don't pay on a schedule. They might never pay at all if I didn't badger them relentlessly via email. Badly run companies like that motivate me. I'm determined to build better.

19

We've tried a bunch of massage places here in Ubud. New one this eve stands out for a simple reason: they ask for feedback. All it takes is four simple words: "Is the pressure okay?" Amazing how few businesses ask their customers this kind of thing.

20

Typically, this Udemy review I'm doing is turning into a beast. I should really cut it down to size and publish something "good enough," but I find that very hard to do. This isn't some kind of humble brag either. This shitty perfectionism holds me back quite a bit.

21

Cold pool at the spa. Lasted fifteen seconds my first time here. Now I'm up to five minutes. Keep your hands closed and the water still and you hardly feel it after a while. It becomes a meditation, mind clear, lost in the reflection of concrete monsters.

22

Woke a little after four, got up soon after. Dressed in the dark, went outside and saw the belly of the moon. Started work downstairs, kept the light off in case the termites got frisky. Almost two hours passed before I realized what I was wearing.

23

With some people, you speak a language nobody else can understand. The way I occasionally speak with my best friend, for example. I don't speak with anyone else that way. Same with my girlfriend, only it's a different language again, one my best friend wouldn't recognize.

24

Experimented this week. Four consecutive days, half a modafinil each day. Bad idea. Most I usually do is two consecutive. Four has really messed up my sleep. Averaging 5.5 hours the past four nights and developed a headache. Fuck that. Taking three days to rest.

25

Found a basketball scrimmage and loving it. Decide to sit out the second half though, lower back feels a bit delicate. My ego really wants me to keep playing, but that wouldn't be smart. I'm old enough now to tell my ego to piss off. Well, sometimes.

26

If I'd been living in Bali ten years ago, I'd probably be based down in Canggu, out every weekend, riding around on a scooter, drunk without a helmet. The police will let you do that here. And so many people do, environment enabling poor choices.

27

I've been a basketball fan for 25 years. I was obsessed with it for 15. Pretty much all that time, Kobe was there. Now, suddenly, he's gone, and the world doesn't feel quite right. Can't stop thinking about his last moments, helpless, seeing the terror in his child's eyes.

28

Started feeling sick around lunchtime. Fever, diarrhea, that kind of thing. Called the doctor, drew some blood. Three possibilities: a) dengue again... b) coronavirus... c) bacterial infection. They say it will take 2-3 hours to get the results. Waiting...

29

So I'll be mostly housebound for a few days, eating bland food and taking a bunch of pills. It won't be pleasant but I'm feeling lucky. This was the best possible outcome. Nothing too serious, no hospital needed. And I can easily afford the downtime.

30

The rainy season has finally hit Bali good and proper. Still got the bug in my belly but errands to run so I'm out on the scooter, trying to stay sharp, avoid slips and swipes. You'd think people would be more careful on the wet roads but the madness persists.

31

Watched The Pursuit of Happyness last night. Just because you get a good outcome doesn't mean you made a good decision. That guy took an insane risk considering he had a child to look after. They don't make movies about people who take similar risks and get the more probable outcome. 

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