When people are scared of your face even at Halloween, what will they think during the other seasons of the year? I'm an alien with a disfigured face. How often have I heard people laugh at my face or say I look weird or scary?
And so, as what I pretend is a service to them, I wear a mask. It looks fleshy and "normal" and white, and I pretend that choosing to be white does not make me a racist, privileged, evil person.
But when I am real, my face looks like I was born of a trash heap. Because I was. When I am me, you'll see the people I love shmeared all over my face. My skin bleeds color. My eyes leak. The tears stain my clothes in blues and greens and pink and black.
I do take my mask off often enough. When it's safe. When I trust that people want to see my face. I believe it is a beautiful face. But for now, I save it for holy days like Halloween, and others. Ojala, that those days become more numerous. And that I may catch more courage to take my mask off.