"I have come to the full realization that my art and personal/spiritual growth are closely tied to each other. That means diving back in even though I fight with feelings of doubt, feeling like a fraud and wanting to avoid being vulnerable. I could avoid it, and that would be okay. Except, that's not the life I want to live. I know a lot of you know what I mean."
I've felt a lot of frustration with myself. I've wondered why I haven't jumped into the deep end with my art. It's caused me a lot of confusion too. It what I want to do... so why aren't I?
Over the last week or so, it's become clearer to me. What it takes for me to do art, is the same work that it takes for me to grow as a person and spiritually. I have had some idea that this was so, but not that it was one and the same. I can grow spiritually without doing art, but I can't do art without growing spiritually. No wonder it is so confronting! Art is a spiritual catalylizer. That means that art, no matter how simple or unassuming, is a threat to my internal status quo. It's a fantastic threat, if I'm interested in an expansion of myself and my spiritual capacity. But, if I want to avoid that vulnerable, stretching and self-expanding work, I won't create. I won't sit at the easel, take photos, and write.
I don't want to avoid that work. I decided a long time ago that growing my spirit is what I am here to do. And, I've been gifted with a catalyst for that work. There are probably other catalysts out there for me to discover. But I do know, for sure, that this is one.