New Column: "How do I make my amazing, progressive boyfriend more comfortable with the idea of me incorporating other women into our - and my - sexual dynamic?"
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years; he’s the love of my life, and we’re engaged to be married. Problem is, he’s straight and monogamous, and prior to dating him I identified as a non-monogamous queer woman who mostly dated women. No biggie, right? Our sexual chemistry is off the charts, and his ethics and politics are on point, but it was only a matter of time before I started going through femme withdrawal. I recently broached the topic of opening up the relationship to allow me to have purely sexual connections with women - both with him in the bedroom, and without him - and while the conversation stayed grounding and loving, it hit him hard. He’s not personally interested in hooking up with other women himself, and he’s afraid that I’ll end up falling in love with someone else. We’re very progressive people, and I think we can get to a place where this can work - also, I’m honestly afraid that I’ll cheat if we can’t negotiate something together - but I’m hesitant to bring it up again because I don’t want to keep hurting him. Help!