New Super-man #2

I'm glad Greg Rucka isn't in charge of the length of Chinese Wonder Woman's skirt!

The Review!
This is my favorite comic series of Rebirth so far. And I'm not just saying that this is the one I like best because it just happens to be somewhat better than the other ones. No. I like New Super-man in the way that I liked All Star Western and Demon Knights. It's fun and entertaining and smartly written and telling a cohesive narrative that has something to say. Isn't it crazy that all of those things can be done by a comic book? And I love that the hero is a big jerk that I'm totally falling in love with! It's like looking into a mirror and kissing that mirror and asking that mirror if it wants me to take down my underwear. So hot! Your mileage may vary though. Kenan loves to call people fat, so fat losers probably won't like this comic book. And Wonder-Woman is constantly calling Kenan a dummy, so big dopes will probably get angry, you know what? The best part about being a big dope is that you don't know you're a dope! Stupid people are so cute how they don't know they're stupid and, in fact, actually think they're smart! Sometimes when I'm at the mall, I feel like I'm walking around inside a petting zoo. Sometimes I'll catch myself saying things like, "Aww! Look at that one try to eat ice cream!" Or, "Oh! That little one has little ones of her own that she can't control! How adorable!" And sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and think, "Look at that one! It's the biggest idiot of them all!" Then I'll wave and when it waves back, I'll be startled, pretend I was waving at somebody inside the store, and go back to get another Hot Dog on a Stick.

The Commentary!
I remember reading last issue caused me to think, "This is the best Super-man I've ever read. Even if he has a dumb dash in his name. Why isn't regular Super-man this entertaining? Clark Kent may be a nice guy but he's got the personality of a wet blanket that isn't wet because a sexy lady just got out of the shower and laid down on it but because a toddler pissed all over it." Picking up this issue caused me to think, "I hope I wasn't imagining how much I liked Kenan Kong last issue! My life disappointment meter is about full and I don't want to find out what happens when it overflows." And then I read the first page of this issue and I thought, "Why can't I feel this happy all of the time?!"

The male gaze may be gross but it's an unstoppable force of nature! I bet even Chinese Bat-man was thinking it!

After the totally acceptable compliment to Wonder Woman, Super-man calls Bat-man fat. I guess this is the part of the comic book where he learns that you don't act like a sexist jerk to Wonder-Woman and you never insult Bat-man to his face. Life is just so much easier when you avoid those things.

Although Chinese Bat-man doesn't look anywhere near as fat as David did in his new Batwing suit the first year of The New 52.

You can't really tell in this picture but...yes. Yes he looked fat in it.

Wonder-Woman wraps Super-man up in her lasso and I think she hits on him! She says, "My lasso is like an extension of my own skin, dummy. It's always accurate." Is that a come on? I mean, aside from calling him a dummy! It sounds sexy to me! Maybe that's just my male listen! Is that the hearing equivalent to the male gaze?

Bat-man knocks Super-man out with his Bat-knockout-thing and he's finally subdued. Hopefully they have some kryptonite underwear to shove him in until he calms down. Although I hope he never calms down! I want him to be mean to everybody! I wonder if I can get him to meet my mom?

When Super-man comes around, Doctor Omen explains that he's now a part of The Justice League of China! Kenan isn't impressed especially since China already has a superhero group called The Great Ten. Although nobody was ever impressed by the name "The Great Ten" anyway. Kenan's powers have temporarily abandoned him and Doctor Omen wants him to hang around until they figure out what happened. Maybe he's just been out of the sun too long? Do they not know Superman gets his powers from the yellow sun? That wasn't meant to be racist! Hmm, it probably wasn't racist until I noted it wasn't meant to be racist!

Meanwhile, Kenan's dad and his reading group continue to betray China. It's hard to say whether that makes them the good guys or the bad guys!

Luckily for Kenan, his first mission that he's not supposed to go on but I'm sure they'll let him go anyway is against Sunbeam, a villain that uses weapons powered by the sun! They're going to discover the secret to charging Super-man's powers. Good thing they aren't battling The Kryptonite Cowboy!

I hope Bat-man really is fat and he's constantly wearing a girdle with abdomen muscles built in.

Super-man finagles his way onto the mission but Bat-man forces him to stay in the car. That probably means Sunbeam will escape outside and not notice Kenan at all and everybody will go home and the comic book will end anticlimactically. Or maybe Kenan will get shot by a sun gun!

But first, Kenan has to babysit a little girl rescued by Wonder-Woman from the scene. It's touching!

This is an example of terrific childcare, right?

Sunbeam exits the house with the little girl's mother as her hostage while Bat-man and Wonder-Woman fail to do anything useful. When Kenan sees Jenny, the little girl, sobbing in fear, he remembers the day he learned his mother died and things actually do get touching! Even though Kenan's visor is electrocuting his face as he leaves the Bat Utility Vehicle, he manages to save Jenny's mother. But that leaves himself open to be shot by Sunbeam! Oh no! He's going to die and not get his super powers back at all!

No wait! He doesn't die! He does get his powers back! What a surprising turn of events! Even more surprising is that Wonder-Woman thanks him and Bat-man begrudgingly gives him some respect. And then Chinese Lois Lane arrives! I mean, Laney Lan arrives and she just happens to be Chinese because this comic book takes place in China! Bat-man is all, "We have to disappear quickly when they avert their gaze!" And Wonder-Woman is all, "We do not talk to the media because they always ask things like 'What make-up do you like?' and 'Are you dating anybody?'" But Kenan Kong is all, "Laney! Laney! I have a big boner for you! It's me! Kenan Kong! China's Super-man!"

I don't think the Ministry of Self-Reliance wanted Kenan to show this much self-reliance! It might bring trouble! The kind of trouble book clubs are known for bringing!