NonCompliant Digest, January 2017: Colorful Balls Edition

Just became a patron? Just browsing? Here’s what you missed in January:

Fiction, Poetry, Sarcasm, and Art

What We Know About Creation (Not Much): I read Genesis 1 and 2. Confusion and snark results.

One Brush For All Your Needs: Goals for Downsizing Our Household: In which I snuggle every material object in our house to decide whether it brings me joy. The cheese grater only brought me pain.

Jim Boswell: My great-great-great uncle was ninety stories tall.

Inauguration Day: A poem that happened while I was dealing with the emotional fallout of January 20.

New Author Photo: I’m a pretty kitty.

Writing Advice

How to (Almost But Not Quite) Write a Successful Query Letter:  A prospective author sends me a lucid, organized, thoughtful, and focused query – which I reject for one tiny but crucial reason. I explain why.

So You Want to Write a Book About Autism: Everything you need to know before you start writing, or while you’re querying publishers, from a publisher of books about autism.

Politics and Commentary

The Trump Insult Generator: For All Your Inauguration Day Needs: FREE DOWNLOAD offering over 8,000 ways to insult the Creamsicle-in-Chief without throwing anyone else under the bus.

The #first100postcards Project: In which I explain my plan to exercise my First Amendment rights for the entire first 100 days of the Trump presidency by sending a postcard a day to my elected representatives.

The #first100postcards Project, Week One Recap: See the first seven postcards I mailed to my elected representatives.

Exercising Your Rights Under a Trump Presidency: Due Process: The first of a series in which I explain basic fundamental American rights and liberties and how to protect yours in the face of an administration that shows very little interest in respecting them.

Exercising Your Rights Under a Trump Presidency: Privacy:  The second post of a series, in which I discuss what your Constitutional privacy rights are and how you can protect them.

Patrons Only

A Fish Out of Water: Short story about how you can never go home again.

Alternative Design Theory: Biological organisms just seem too jankety to have been created by an “intelligent designer”? Alternative design theory accounts for these flaws.

The Ylphybyt: Impress your Super Sekrit Witchy Friends(TM) with a Super Sekrit Code no one can read – not even you!

Misandrypiece Theatre: How I Prep My Vag: The debut installment in the Misandrypiece Theatre series, for $5+ patrons. A fine young man on the Internet asked a random Facebook community how they “get that kitten all dolled up” for a hot date. I respond by unleashing the tentacled Hellbeast from the depths of the void.

Misandrypiece Theatre: There Are Two Genitals: The second installment in the Misandrypiece Theatre series, for $5+ patrons. A short story for an Internet dude who insists “THERE ARE 2 GENITALS.”

How Writing Copy Made Me A Better Novelist (And Vice Versa): Good writing, and the development of good writing skills, is a cross-genre endeavor. I explain how.

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