“That’s a strange sign to put up.” “With the current litigious state of the world, it’s become a necessary legality. That’s all.” “Hmm.” The man in the nice business suit watches as a bowl full of cereal (Fruit Loops, it looks like, with almond milk) flies past his face, a trio of spoons in quick pursuit. “So your company just has to put that onto the signs, like an addendum?” “Oh yes, sir. Merely for paperwork reasons. Have to cover every base.” He opens a closet door, stares into the gaping black maw of the swirling abyss for a moment, listens to the lamenting cries of tortured souls, and closes the door. “So there’s absolutely no ghosts to worry about? Not even a poltergeist?” “I assure you, sir. This property is 100% spectral-free.” They start up the stairs, stepping through a transparent woman in a bloodied dress, who reaches out to them imploringly with a tragic expression. “I’d just hate to get the family settled in, nice and relaxed, only to find Casper waking us up in the middle of the night. The dogs barking at all hours. Blood seeping from the walls. That sort of thing.” He glances down the left hall, giving the realtor just enough time to whip a handkerchief from his pocket and hastily rub the oozing crimson letters GET OUT NOW from the wall to their right. “This is the perfect home for a young family, sir. Very quiet. Very cozy.” “Glad to hear it. I must say, it’s very reasonably priced. Especially for this neighborhood. Why is that?” “No reason, sir. No reason. Well, I suppose it’s because the last owner had a funny turn.” “A funny turn?” “You know how it is, sir. The fast-paced, stressful business world of today is just too much for some people. One day he just went a little mad. Shot his family, hacked them to bits, set the bits on fire, and buried everyone in the cellar. Then he just disappeared. It happens sometimes, sir. Nothing to worry about.” “It’s a real shame, the things stress drives people to.” The wall bulges out towards them as if grasping hands, closing on empty air just as they step back down the stairs. “It’s a really lovely little place. Did you bring the paperwork? I’d like to sign and surprise the wife tonight at dinner.”