Ok, so I have to be honest. This whole Patreon thing scares me. I have a bit of an aversion to promoting myself! So taking this step of starting a Patreon was a big one. Making this first post was even bigger.
I tend to have this nasty habit of self-sabotage (I’m working on it. And hey, they say acknowledging you have a problem is the first step). So here’s what I did: I worked myself up to launch this damn thing for months. It was basically ready to launch at the beginning of 2021. But then I convinced myself it wasn’t the right time. The right time just never seemed to come. I overcomplicated everything, going as far as to almost launching a different project altogether. I finally pushed it live in a bit of a spontaneous flurry - and then logged off and avoided posting on social media for a few weeks. (Not exactly fair to those of you who so graciously have agreed to support my work as an artist! And by the way your patience and willingness to support my work are not going unnoticed, thank you.)
I am also a person who deeply feels what I come across that is happening in the world. And when I sense a lot of pain and devastation (such as the horrendous violence towards Palestinians by the Israeli State ), I do become overwhelmed.
So here I am now putting pressure on myself to craft a first post that is hard-hitting enough to be ‘worthy’. Thinking about how I can immediately showcase my multidisciplinary practice of combining music and writing. But the whole point of this Patreon was to be my messy, authentic self (more on that another day) - and to provide people with art and writing that can connect, inspire and heal. Not to be perfect - or to override my sensitivities to the world and ignore my emotions.
So if today’s lesson is just that you and I both should stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to exist productively, and achieve an unattainable standard, then that’s a good one, in my view. We don’t have to be perfect to just start. In fact, perfection is a myth, and a better world isn’t going to be made up of perfect people - only many imperfect ones showing up and trying! We also can't ignore the pain out there or the pain in our own hearts. It won't do us any justice in the long run. It's okay to be overwhelmed, and it's okay to need to take a moment of pause and space.
I feel like there’s a song in this - but not today.
Until next time, hope you're taking some time for yourself.
P.s This post has been made public but some posts and uploads will be limited to patrons only!