The Official Future of TOAA & My Mental Health Writing

Hey There Peeps & Patrons!

I've been wanting to make a post about this topic for a long time. For those of you who find it bothersome or obnoxious when I decide to be a human being with real emotions, I'll save you the hassle of going too much further. Basically, TOAA and any instance of me doing mental health related writing is no longer going to be a thing in any capacity and I'm essentially putting a permanent lid on that part of my writing career.

For the rest of you who want to hear about things in more detail you can stick around for the rest of the post.

Basically,last year an incident occurred that I'm not allowed to talk about for privacy reasons. The incident resulted in me pulling a few blogs but as much as I tried to make amends nothing seemed to be good enough. Even me giving up writing blogs for a while didn't seem to be a sincere enough gesture. I don't know how to fix it and the best way I can explain where I am now is that mental health writing is painful for me instead of healing like it used to be.

I've really agonized since then over what to do about mental health writing. When I started TOAA I actually felt like I had a voice for the first time in my life and it was freeing. It even curbed me from thinking about hurting myself for a good while because I could write when I had things I needed to get out and no one in my life would listen. I wanted to help others and share my experiences, but it turned out that expressing my feelings just ended up causing damage like a lot of things I've tried to do in my life have. I really wanted to try and be optimistic or try to reinvent myself and try a new format, but I just can't overcome the level of self-loathing and trauma that mental health writing carries for me now. I think that ultimately trying mental health writing is just going to have to be another failure that I need to bury in the backyard and I can only hope that over time that can fix the damage I caused.

If talking about my feelings hurts people than I can't justify releasing a project that will jeopardize things with the people who put up with me in life. I don't have many people in my life and I can't really afford to piss people off or expect them to make accommodations for me apparently just being a wrong human being when I stray from masking. Additionally, I just can't justify releasing a project that no longer has any beneficial meaning to me and is possibly detrimental to my health.

If the blogs did help anyone, I'm truly happy about that and I wish things had turned out better. 

I will still be doing creative stuff. I'll be focusing on a creative magazine and my books. I just think it's in everyone's best interest if I put a cap on writing about mental health topics.

If you'd like to read any of my mental health blogs,including the patron-exclusive ones, they will be available until the end of 2020. After that, all my mental health articles will be permanently pulled  and put to a final rest. I will still be keeping the TOAA merch in my store but I'll be re-branding it sometime soon.

Again, I deeply apologize for anyone I've hurt with my writing and I hope that if you did like my writing you'll stick with me for some other and hopefully safer projects in the future. I should have a quarterly look at my projects coming out in the beginning of April with a look at my current projects  that are still greenlit.


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