okay, lol
so like. a break down of what the fuck is going on, since i don't feel like i can post about it on tumblr for fear of random repercussion right now: 

thursday night all my blogs were terminated. i sent a message to tumblr asking why and didn't get any word until this morning (sunday) at 11am, upon which i got a lot of messages from friends saying my stuff was up. i was able to log in and everything was normal, though my messages are all gone (idk how this works but who cares) 

however, the email from tumblr staff is WEIRD. like, incomprehensibly weird. my s/o is going to help me respond to it when they get a chance bc it's so confusing that i don't know how to proceed with it, honestly. literally within the same message it says "we apologize so much for what happened and we'll do everything we can to assure it doesn't happen again" and later it says "we'll terminate your accounts permanently if this happens again" and i'm still not really sure what i did for this to happen in the first place? it's not really explicit that i did anything wrong, let alone what i could have done wrong???

so...i personally don't feel like this changes my situation financially in the slightest. the email is so confusing that i don't know what i did that was wrong, and i'm going to ask for clarification, but sponsors haven't paid me for months, and my s/o was still just laid off. i had money for this month to stay at my apartment, but not enough money for the future, and student loan payments are going to happen within the month after that. with sponsors treating me like dirt as is and tumblr being so unreliable, i just think that i need to move somewhere where i don't have the financial pressure so i don't spend all of my time scratching for money and more of my time trying to get a job and being creative. that way the money that my s/o starts making can go to us saving up to move and paying off debt until i get a job where people won't just suddenly stop paying me for 3 months leaving me destitute without warning. 

it wasn't always like this, i don't know why it's like this now, but my financial needs (especially medication) are too serious to be leaving any of it up to chance. i don't trust tumblr, or these people who i've worked with for years who have just decided they suddenly don't owe me anything. 

i'm going to try to find out what tumblr thinks i was doing wrong to see if i can still make money through commission for some places that i would be posting from even if i wasn't affiliated with them, but they might not answer me specifically if they think i did something wrong with intent and are trying to get around it. even if i can figure that out, the amt of money i get from blogging alone is fucking abysmal, when i did my taxes last i found out that it was something like 25 cents an hour for putting in 12 hour days, which is why i scoff so much when people want to do it so bad bc they think the life i live is illustrious instead of constantly panic filled and annoyed nonsense.

if you've recently started helping or added to your pledge on here, thank you. patreon and my shop might end up being my only source of income depending on how this whole thing goes, and i'm going to need that help to get myself out of the fucked up situation i'm being forced to dive into. but i'm hoping that, as messed up as all this is, this can lead to more permanent change for me, and i can get into a situation that is safe where i don't have to feel constantly scared anymore. 

i'm happy to have my blogs back just or my own connection to my friends and like, the resources i have built up there both in terms of networking and the pieces that would have been lost otherwise, but financially all of this feels exactly the same. everything can be gone at any time, with no explanation, and people don't feel like they have to pay me for the work i do. i need to make moves to change that and try to save what i have as much as i can for when the repayment period starts hitting. 

if you're confused about wtf is going on or still want to ask me something after reading this, feel free to send me a message or comment and i'll try to address it best i can, but i'm still really confused about what is going on and what this means so i might not have too much to even offer on the subject.

start backing up your stuff on tumblr, though. make sure your following knows your other accounts, and crosspost stuff as much as possible, because this shit is ridiculous.