Try A Little Tenderness
Byline: Gary Llewellyn
Dateline: August 19th, 2017
Stephanie was giving Oberon a bunch of shit about the drowning. She’s still new at this and still pretty raw about it. I went on a jag around 94-95 where every other day someone was trying to execute me. You hunt monsters, you find monsters. Not so new that she hasn’t managed to amass an army of goblins and a tarrasque. That’s the life, folks. This shit just happens. Learn, as soon as possible, to just ride it. It’s like surfing, except the board is a monster and the ocean is your life.
“Steph. What are you doing?”
“Gary? Where did you come from?” she broke away from berating Oberon.
“I was leading the demon army to Lyon to cut the head off Interpol.”
“I’ll take that piece by piece; what demon army?”
“It was up on the slope before the Cosmic Buzzkill yanked it away. See those trees up there? That’s some of them. What are you doing with Oberon?”
“Oh right. Guys,” she called to some goblins milling about, “Work his midsection.”
Time for reading from Garyology, Vol. 3. What’s better than a vanquished foe? One that owes you a favor.
“Wait. Nobody is working anybody’s midsection,” I stepped between the kobolds and Oberon. “One of you, cut down this half pound sack of shit.”
“What? He tried to kill us,” Stephanie protested.
I gave my look that said, “Trust me. I’m drunk enough to pull it off.”