Pearl Clutching
 
Ugh, I got a bunch of angry comments on yesterday's blog about my sex captives. I'm soooooo tired of people pretending to be upset that I imprison and murder people. Like I'm the only one operating a horrifying sex basement that's guarded by crab men! Millions of Americans have sex basements! That's why Home Depot is open 24 hours- people with sex basements keep running out of rope! So enough with the fake outrage and pearl clutching!

Speaking of pearl clutching, I have to pause for a moment to remove a freshly made pearl from my vagina. Yes, I grow my own "pussy pearls". Sorry about the name. It just so perfectly describes the way I grow pearls inside my vagina. It's my side business which happens inside my business!

Ever had someone ask "What's a matter, ya got sand in your vagina?" Well as a matter of fact, I do and that's because I put it there! My vagina is almost completely packed with sand and that's how I like it. Because that's how pearls are made, from a grain of sand.

Normally a pearl is formed when a grain of sand enters an oyster's shell. To protect itself from irritation, the oyster secretes a shimmery substance called nacre which is also known as Mother of Pearl. A more technical term for this substance is Clam Jizz or Clizz. 

The nacre forms a protective layer around the grain of sand and makes it smooth. Eventually with enough coats of nacre, the grain of sand becomes a pearl! Hey, that was an actual fucking fact you just learned, bitch! My blog is now your school and you can thank Betsy Devos!

Anyway, oysters do it all wrong. When I make a pearl, I just shove some sand up there, cross and uncross my legs a few times, punch in a series of numbers on my clit and out they spray like a hail of gunfire.

Then I sell the pearls to Zales and other fine jewelry stores. And they buy them knowing full well I have manufactured them in my vagina but they don't give a tin shit. They don't even wash them! This very moment in fact you could be wearing a pearl necklace that was borned out of my vagina. 

There is no way to tell my pussy pearls from regular oyster pearls besides the terrible purple rash you will get from wearing mine.

I have other side businesses besides pearl farming, they include marine salvage, making seagull jerky and selling huge volumes of used men's clothing to thrift stores. I like pearl farming the best though because I feel like I'm really contributing something to society, in this case pearls that are grown inside my vagina. 

Stay moist, 

Stacey Nightmare