I wrote this when I was uncertain of what and where I was going. I was out of work and disabled. I couldn’t work because of my physical limitations and severe depression. At that point, I was getting back into writing and I was looking back at the poetry I had written, when I came to a conscious decision (or I should say I realized) that Poetry was the thing that moved me, that formed in my brain and forced itself out into the world. Poetry is not work, it’s not a job, it’s a calling, it’s the Universe speaking through me. Some people will say I’m being pretentious with that statement, but really I’m just being honest; some poems feel like they come fully formed, and seem to almost write themselves onto my screen. These seem to take anywhere from minutes to hours, but they come out fully formed and I am awed by this.
Then there are those that feel like this…
“When I say wrote a poem, think of it as Wesley saying “As You Wish” to Buttercup, whereas he meant “I love you”, when I say “I wrote a poem” it’s closer in meaning to “I ripped out a piece of my soul, dipped my metaphorical quill into the blood dripping from my open veins, wrote pain, love, and fire into being etching with one upon the other and then shared it with the Universal Consciousness” or at least, that’s what it feels like.”
… and that is the painful part of creation. An example of this is the poem I just wrote, Human Up, my WordPad program stayed open for days with me writing and deleting, shaking my head, talking to myself, saying “no, that doesn’t work” or “that’s cool, but doesn’t fit”. Shutting my computer with the blank WordPad screen still open in the background, until the words started to come to me and I was happy with what was coming. Human Up was born of this painful time-consuming process.
Sometimes creation is easy and sometimes it’s hard, but whatever comes of it, it’s worth the journey, but that’s not the end. Then I release out into the World, to be poked and prodded, critiqued and criticized, liked and loved, and ignored. The thing is, I don’t write these for anyone else, I write them for me because they need to come out.
I hope you decide to come along on this journey with me, as I try to make sense of who I am, what my place is in the Universe, and pour my thoughts and feelings into the world for you to see and, hopefully, connect with.