QuipTracks VS The Christmas Shoes
 
It's finally time to officially announce our next riff, coming Christmas Eve.

It's safe to say the only thing that should ever be based on Newsong's  insufferable "The Christmas Shoes" is a class-action lawsuit. Despite  this, in 2002 CBS decided it would try to top the previous year's  saddest television event, 9/11, by adapting the most quickly turned-off  song on the radio into the most quickly turned-off movie on TV.

Rob Lowe lets his acting muscles atrophy as the guy that was "not really in  the Christmas mood" who helps a young boy buy a pair of shoes for his  dying mother. Why wasn't he in that mood, though? And how sad, exactly,  is a dying mother? The answers to these questions were glaringly omitted  from the song, and the movie addresses the issue by devoting an hour  and a half to establishing this crucial context. CBS's The Christmas  Shoes delivers more schmaltz, empties more tissue boxes, and kills more  characters than the song's format ever allowed. And if it's the case  that the more sadness something elicits, the more meaningful and  heartwarming it is, The Christmas Shoes is more meaningful and  heartwarming than a stillborn bunny rabbit. 

Unfortunately, due to our extremely tight schedule for this release, we will be unable to send out beta or early copies. I apologize. It just isn't possible.