REPORT: US to Nuke Moon For Real This Time
In a new revelation, the US Military plans to launch nuclear weapons at the Moon for a preemptive strike against possible invaders. "Have you seen how big that big hunk a' cheese is? We've barely scratched the surface and anything living there could potentially launch an attack on innocent people of Earth. If we hit first, we've got a damn good chance of taking out any heavy resistance we could find there" said Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. "We're prepared to make the hard choices that need to be made. Just because it looks pretty at night doesn't mean that it can harbor a terrible plan for all innocent people on Earth. It's like a swan; it looks nice to look at but one wrong move can send it into an unstoppable force of rage and feathers. We cannot allow Earth to be left undefended without our XCOM Project sufficiently funded yet." Some experts were more hesitant to launch weapons at the Moon. "We're still trying to convince the heads of the military to launch a convoy of Earth delegates to negotiate a peace treaty with any moon creatures we find. The people on Earth are tired of constant warfare and to spread that warfare to space sends a bad message of Americans" said NASA Administrator Charles Bolden Jr. Only time will tell if the Moon indeed has Aliens of Mass Destruction there. -TACO NEWS: Knowledgeable about Moon Politics