"There has to be a purpose to all of this. There just has to be. I feel depleted in energy; depleted of fire. Like giving up – but I know there is no giving up. Give up for what? To go where? What, to be in a miserable existence again? To a barely there paycheck and astronomical rent? I've never even entertained a "plan B" because there isn't one. The thought disgusts me. I'm completely invested. All or nothing. It’s keep on (whatever form that may take) or death.  There is NOTHING to go back to. Nothing and no one.

So, what do I do next?  .... get up and keep going. " -Excerpt from my Journal, January 12, 2016

Every time this battle comes around, the same circle of thoughts happen, much like what was said in the paragraph above. Moving forward in my vision or death. It's not even an unshakable commitment, it's because it's the only thing. Nothing. Else. Matters. 

This battle is very close to what goes down in Hercules after Hades drains him of all his powers and then kicks his ass to a bruised heap of has-been Demigod.

"You were right Phil, dreams are for Rookies."

If anyone pursuing this kind of life begins to ruminate in their Plan B, I am utterly disgusted. It's offensive to me. They're taking up space in the arena with their desire and ambition below 49%. Get out of the arena, you're taking up valuable space.

If you have a Plan B, you're really just testing the waters before you go home to your Netflix and Chill life. You're just splashing around so that other people can see you at it, reveling in a facade of nobility and risky pursuits.

It's getting up, moving forward or nothing at all. Knowing I would literally rather die than turn around - just think about that for a minute. What in your life do you feel that much dauntless will for?

"You were right Phil, Plan B's are for Rookies."