Sample of My Messy Brain
I have odd dreams. The following is a result of a dream I had while writing WOLF WHO RULES.  I posted it at that time but I thought I would repost it here as a sample of the kind of thing I would randomly throw up along with story snippets:

Dear Kellogg,

You recently sent me a package containing two "elf berry peanut butter" pop-tarts to test. I was not sure what exactly you wanted me to test, but two was much too small sample of size. I procured an additional 2174 pop-tarts.  Please refer to the enclosed invoice. Only 174 of the pop-tarts were the "elf berry peanut butter" flavor that you selectively mailed to elves in Pittsburgh. This is still not large enough sample size to be statistically significant but the pastries represented all the pop-tarts in Pittsburgh. If you want truly accurate tests, you must arrange more to be shipped to me via Poppymeadows Enclave.

These are the results of my tests:

1. When subjected to magic, 35% of the time, "elf berry peanut butter" pastries spontaneously germinate. Speed of growth of resulting plants depend on amount of magic the pastry is exposed to. 99% of the time, said plant is true elf berry. 1% of the time, said plant is a peanut elf berry hybrid which attempts to create a trans-dimensional beanstalk.

2. Similar spontaneous germination results were recorded for "Frosted Strawberry" but the 1% occurrence should not be considered statistically significant.

3. "Smore Flavor" showed a .01% chance of transforming into an Elfhome cousin to the Leopard Gecko. This is a common and known (but not understood) side effect to anything containing marshmallow. Unlike the "elf berry peanut butter" pastry, said transformation is instantly noticeable and thus should not be considered dangerous.

4. All pastries, if resistant to transformational quality of magic, were found to be conductive to becoming flaming projectiles when fired from a jury-rigged toaster – but the likelihood of someone creating such a toaster is not statistically significant.

You should be aware that "elf berries" are not considered edible on Elfhome as the seeds can survive high heat and will begin to grow within any animal that consumes them. No product containing them will be allowed in Pittsburgh after this point.


Vicereine Beloved Tinker of Wind