You probably remember my emo post a couple weeks ago. And if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you probably know that I'm still having a rough time. Still. I haven't wanted to post that here AGAIN, because I put invisible pressure on myself to cheer up. "You've already done a depressing post, Chrysanthe; now you gotta show your patrons that you made it through to the other side!"
Well...I have not reached the other side yet. Still having a super rough month, despite amazing things on the horizon (like my Stories Live concert next week!?!?!?!!!!!!)
However, I have realized an enormous amount of things this week -- mostly little things -- to be thankful for and happy about. These instances of appreciation are so fleeting, and amazingly, they still can and do occur even when I'm depressed. What's different is that they're not enough to lift me up and out, and the moment is gone in a flash. It's more of a rational appreciation ("ah yes I see and notice and acknowledge this") than an emotional one. Nonetheless, it still counts, and I thought I'd make a little list here of the random things I've been positive about lately. This list is 100% for me, because it helps me to repeatedly remind myself of the silver linings, but perhaps someone reading may relate:
- Applying my cat's gum gel has gotten easier over the month.
- My producer for the Stories Live concert has been ridiculously easy to work with. Could have been a nightmare to have this extra element.
- I have not lost my wallet, locked myself out of my car, gotten a flat tire, rear ended someone, set the microwave on fire, etc. I know these sound like weird things to be grateful for (especially since I never lose things, etc), but these are exactly the kinds of things that are more likely to happen when I'm feeling out-of-it. Then when they do happen, it's monumentally worse and feels like the world is crumbling. So, I actually am really glad that I've been able to keep a grip on those mundane things!
- Sweet potatoes were on sale at Sprouts last week for $0.69/lb. If you know how many sweet potatoes I consume on a daily basis, I'm sure you can understand how happy my wallet was.
- Vacuuming and cleaning some surfaces improved my mood a couple days ago. Vacuuming is especially pleasing to me.
- A classmate offered to share his photos and recordings from a portion of class I missed.
- I am so glad my laptop can run for several hours without plugging it in.
- An unexpected friend did me a favor that I received and appreciated greatly. Thank you, Andres!
- Escaping into Star Wars has been helpful. Been listening to podcasts like Star Wars Minute, Far Far Away, and Full of Sith.
- The Eliza Starting at 16 podcast.
- Death Cab for Cutie's Transatlanticism album.
- Keeping up with #GuessTheTune on Instagram is another normal thing that keeps me regular.
- I remembered to record my Messiaen rehearsal.
- I signed up to host another #musochat on Twitter in several months.
- I rose to the challenge of performing my piece by memory last weekend.
- Texted my friend Jay-Marie a little today.
- Saw a colleague on my way out tonight, and we exchanged a pleasant conversation. I think Rachel is really cool, though I don't know her well.
- Went to California Adventure with a BFF.
- Lindsay and I have been texting each other affirmations.
- A couple classes were cancelled today.
- I think I like my new lip balm color (in the photo above)!
- I'm glad I got to unexpectedly see Justy on Sunday.
- I really love my new beanie (pictured above) that this random company sent me. It's warm and snuggly.
- My daily #365hd posts on Twitter are also things that help me maintain normalcy.
- Podcasts in general. My saving grace. Especially during the holiday traffic this week!
- I am getting better at asserting my space and boundaries when I need them.
- A fan in the midwest told me that he walked into class the other day and his teacher was playing my album (!) Totally unprompted. That's cool.
- My Stories Live tech team drew my stage plot for me yesterday in about 2 minutes flat, something that would have taken me (not exaggerating) 4 hours.
- The place in my apartment building where we pick up packages is pretty close to my unit, which makes for an easy walk.
- A person I care about deeply is in the hospital, but she snapchatted her first photo in a long time the other day.
- I found my appetite again today. It had been missing.
- Turning on my apartment heater is a nice indulgence.
- I don't generally mind hearing holiday music. In fact, I may actively like it sometimes. And I'm done pretending otherwise.
- One of my favorite cellists whom I don't get to play with much is going to play on my concert.
- I did a wedding gig that went surprisingly smoothly, in terms of logistics and parking.
- I got a full night of sleep last night.
- Had a surprisingly good meeting with my mentor last week.
- My stomach didn't hurt today.
- A patron (one of you reading this!) sent me a private message last night that really cheered me up. My patrons are the best.
- Ok this deserves its own point, and I'm not trying pander or be too cheesy, but...my patrons really are a light in my life. I am epically grateful for you.
PS: I love my spoon necklace. I wear it when I know I can use a few more spoons ...