I wrote it in 2005, before New People came together, but I deemed it too geeky for that band: not rock enough, too many words, not hooky enough. Even the title is pretentious! But now it just makes me happy, and that R&B opening bass line I came up with during the process of recording it in September really added a lot. I never planned to play any bass on this album at all, but Ken ended up not having time for a session at my place as our in-studio date approached and encouraged me to just record lines myself, so I ended up playing bass on the majority of the album over a few days, typically without having previously even thought about bass parts, so there was a lot of on-the-spot composition like this.
In another exception, there are NO harmony vocals (had Iris been available for another session, I'm sure she would have added some, but I like it this way), and though Rei still uses a piano sound on this live, I channelled his signal to trigger an organ sound instead as we were doing this. As with the piano sounds on the album, none of them were meant to be final; I planned to take the MIDI into Paradyme studios and have Jake the engineer pick a sound. But we ended up having a little trouble getting the MIDI data from my projects to Jake's, and so just use use the Steinberg sounds that came with my Cubase that I'd hastily picked (this patch was called "purple child," FYI.
Another fun thing about this was the extra percussion. Jim Turk plays djembe as he does on every track of this, and also some tambourine, but I think I'd already recorded the the egg shaker, and then in the later parts of the song, I recorded a little brushed cymbal and then about 3 minutes in some goofing around on a snare (with the snare part not engaged, so it sounds more bongo-ish).
My wife tells me this song is better if you can look at the lyrics to help figure out what the hell it's about, so here they are:
I don't think. I obsess.
And I'm bored a lot, I guess.
And I search for things to suck me in.
Escape is where you find it.
I ignore. I don't believe.
And my heart is off my sleeve.
And my younger days are over now.
And relief is where you find it.
And I reach inside for power now,
For release and ways to bind it
I'm alone with myself.
I'm deceased as someone else.
And my enemies confront me now
In the keep of my defiance.
I'm at war with myself,
Though at least I've got my health.
And my ending with be fabulous,
At least in terms of finance.
And I've sold my all to gradual
Decrease, my grief, a line dance,
A thief, a chief, a mind dance
Computations make me sad,
When I form a little thought and it rolls over
And it bothers me a tad
To waste my vast resources, my energy and time
On a reasonable skin glossed on a patent life of crime.
I'm aware, I'm awake,
And I am the mess I make
I'm the envy of the mad and dead,
And I do my best to see it
I remember every word I said,
Though my life did not decree it.
And I won't give up hope,
Though I often don't believe it.