Table Six Needs Drinks (Fiction)
Hi, my name is Serena and I'll be taking care of you this evening. Oh, yes, I guess it is kind of an unusual name, huh? I don't know, it came with the tag. Ha-ha. Have you dined with us before? No? Well, you just let me know if you have any questions, okay? It's pretty straightforward.

Can I get something from the bar started for you? We do have a special on watermelon margaritas right now. Anyone? No? Okay. So, that's water, water, Diet Coke, Sprite, water. Got it. I'll be right back with your drinks and some bread for the table, okay?
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Whew! Sorry that took so long, they're really keeping us on our toes tonight. Three waters... there, there, and there, and here's your Diet, and here's the Sprite. Are we sharing any appetizers tonight? Oh, well, it depends on how hungry you are. We usually say it feeds three, so if you just want a nibble maybe one would do but I'd really recommend getting two, or maybe one and another appetizer if you want some variety. Actually, it's included in our variety platter, if you want to sample a lot... okay, that's two orders of our fully loaded potato skins. Are we ready to order, or would you like me to go put that in and give you a few more minutes? 

Sure, I'll just be right back.
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Folks, hey, I'll take your order in a minute, but I just wanted to pop over to say I'm really sorry about the, uh, disturbance. I'm sure it'll be over quickly and then everything will be back to normal, but just in case it sticks around, or spreads... has anybody changed their minds about those watermelon margaritas? You? How about you, ma'am? Double bourbon? Do you have have a preferred brand? Certainly. You as well? Okay. That's two double bourbons, vodka on the rocks with a twist, and a Long Island. Anything for you, sir? Oh, wow, I appreciate your bravery.
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Alrighty, here are those drinks, and sir, I went ahead and got an extra double in case you changed your mind, if not, I'm sure somebody will want it. My manger asked me to let you know that the situation is changing rapidly and while we don't know what it's all leading up to, it doesn't exactly seem sustainable, and in the meantime it's all just business as usual. Ready to order? Blank stare means yes? Ha, sorry, I had a teacher who used to say that all the time, drove me batty. Folks, I know things are a little weird right now, but I think it really will be better if we all just sort of power through it. Better for everybody. So who wants to go first? Look, we can't say how long you're going to be here, if I'm going to be completely honest, so you might as well make sure you're fed.
Anyone? No? Well, I'll check back in a bit.
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Here are those potato skins. I noticed most of you needed more drinks, so I went ahead and brought you all another round. And sir, I took a shot in the dark... gin and tonic? I thought so. I've always thought I could be a bartender. Sorry the music's so loud, management thinks it will help drown out... everything else. If you ask me, it just makes it worse. It's already hard enough to have a normal conversation. Anyway, is anyone ready to order? Oh, no, I really can't recommend that you leave. I'm not supposed to tell you what happened to one of my other tables, so I won't, but I just don't recommend it. 

Oh, don't tell my boss, but I forgot to tell you our specials today. We have a braised lamb in a raspberry balsamic reduction on a bed of rice, if that tempts anyone, a trout almondine that comes with asparagus, and ancho chile rub chicken with southwestern rice and beans. If you're at all interested in the lamb, I suggest ordering now, because we're probably going to run out. Actually, if you want to play it safe, I'd just go ahead and assume that's true of everything, tonight.
Nothing? You're sure? Okay.
. . .
Folks, I asked my manager if I couldn't comp you some drinks, under the, you know, the circumstances, and she said it doesn't matter, so here's another round on me, okay? I see you managed to finish those potato skins. Are we ready to order dinner? What? Oh, no, ma'am, I'm sure God has nothing to do with it. I'll be back, okay?
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Hey, I don't mean to alarm you but this is the last bread refill I can give you. I'm very sorry, I know it's supposed to be unlimited. But, listen, this is what I meant when I suggested you should order sooner rather than later. Our world-famous farmer's market salad bar is already off the menu. Yeah, yeah, it's fallen. I know, I'm sorry. What a drag! Related: if anyone has to use the restroom, I'd suggest going the long way around, back by the back wall. Yeah, you do not want to go near the entrance vestibule. So, anyone hungry? I would recommend each individually ordering the Dinner For Two option or the Deluxe Backyard Barbecue Variety Sampler. We haven't officially started rationing yet, but I think if I put in orders for more entrees than I have people, it might raise some eyebrows. 

No, sir, I'm very sorry, but I don't know how much longer. That's why I suggest the Dinner For Two. We're not technically open for breakfast, so even if supplies hold I'm not sure what the ordering situation is going to look like in the morning. Oh, yeah, we'll definitely still be here tomorrow. I mean, not definitely. I mean, if we're lucky we will be. I'd say there's a good chance at least three of you makes it. Feeling hungry yet? Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm just going to put in an order for some platters of ribs and if you eat them, great, and if not, it's my bad. But I've got a good track record. I was right about the gin and tonic, wasn't I?

Speaking of, let me go get you more drinks.
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Sorry that took so long, one of our bartenders sort of punched out early. Oh, no, ma'am, you don't want to do that, I'm sure. Anyway, the kitchen stopped taking orders before I got your ribs in and they're going to just sort of distribute what they have. Which I guess is good news for you all, since you couldn't quite make up your mind. It's going to be sort of a grab bag, like the ultimate variety platter. Hey, maybe they'll add it to the menu when this is all done.
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Hey, folks, I'm really sorry, I know it's been one thing after another tonight, huh? But our kitchen is suddenly a bit short-staffed. Well, really short-staffed. What I mean is the wait staff are kind of on our own, and a lot of the kitchen is sort of a no-go zone. As in, you do not want to go there! I'm not even sure it's possible. Actually, I think most of it isn't. But I nipped back there and snagged some plates for you. I'm sorry they're cold, I tried to get ones that had been sitting a while, out of courtesy to those who are still with us. Hey, I take care of my tables. Let me go grab you more drinks.
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I just brought you some bottles, okay? I don't know if you'd drink straight gin, but... oh, right from the bottle it is. Anyway, it's kind of an open bar situation right now but we're trying to minimize the trips because, well, you know that game you used to play as kids where the floor was lava? It's like that, except only the floor is larva. Anything? Well, I thought it was a little funny. On that note, the floor in the bathrooms isn't. No, I mean it is not. It's just, like, gone. Glass half full, though? You can still sort of go through the door, as long as you don't go through the door. I'm not sure it's strictly sanitary but I don't see anyone complaining. Just mind your balance. It's a long way down. I can still hear the screaming. Literally. I mean, they're still falling, and they're still screaming.

It's like, watch out for that first step, it's a doozy, huh?
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More glass half full? I'm pretty sure this will all be over soon.
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Hi, I've got a big favor to ask. You see this little screen? It's got a survey on it and if you can fill it out, it's just a few questions and then there's a space for comment. If you wouldn't mind filling it out now, quickly. I think what's about to happen might adversely affect your opinion of our service, and what we're looking for is all 5s. The comment portion is optional, but if you feel like filling it out, my name, again, is Serena, and I would appreciate it if you would say that I was knowledgeable of the menu and helpful, that I did my best, that we all did our best, and that we couldn't possibly have known...

Oh, it's going to ask you if I offered you dessert, so: did you save any room for dessert? There isn't any but now you can say I did.
. . .
Hey, you are my last table, and I think I might actually be the last one standing. I was going to tell you that it's been an honor and play "Nearer My God To Thee" on my phone, but the internet is doing something weird right now. Oh, I see you've noticed, too. Yeah.

Anyway, I don't want to look behind me, but from the sound and the looks on your face I don't think we have much time, so... my name is Serena, and it's been my pleasure to serve you.

Just a heads up: it's colder than I thought it would be.

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