taking a look back
you never know where things will end up when you start a project.  most of my life i would start things and never finish them.  when i was a teenager i wanted to be an artist so bad. i bought the table, the pens, even a light box.  i was engrossed in drawing to a point that was unhealthy.  It was my first love really.  So when i think back to why i dont draw anymore, it really becomes a thing of sadness. 

why did I quit ? what was more important than that which i loved my entire childhood ? there is no real answer. life maybe. need to pay bills.  work jobs you hate. lose track of time.  there are many answers to that question.

and now i sit here almost 3 years into a clash of clans podcast.  maybe its remembering that feeling of loss with drawing that keeps this podcast going.  A feeling that i dont want to re-live. A feeling that not only will i disapoint myself, but also all of you.  or maybe its something more that keeps me going.

the podcast has become a part of my week. a part of my day and truly a part of my life now.  I enjoy sitting in my chair and turning the mixer on. checking my sound levels.  checking on guests.  wondering what ridiculous things will be said and what new things will we learn about each other. 

first show i did was for about 40 people who i sent the soundcloud link to. i still have that file. maybe i will share it just for kicks someday. or even let you the Patreon members have a chance to hear it in all its awful splendor.

but now i have nearly 40 people who dont just listen to TBFS but also support it. believe in it. prop it up and say "hey man, i dig this show. keep it up. heres some money to show thanks and support." to that its still a wow moment every month.  not because i want to get paid. but because you believe this has value.  and that is truly the best sign of appreciation. out the the 10k regular listeners its you few who have shown real gratitude.  and to that i can never say "thank you" enough.

so what have i learned taking a look back ? i learned, maybe i like this more than drawing. 

cya on Monday