That old familiar feeling
 

Good morning. <3 <3 <3

I am currently going through a familiar stage where I hate my writing, and all  of my ideas. But this time around I'm actually o.k. with it because I have had an incredibly productive writing year; today marks 100 days of consistent, daily writing. I'm still writing drafts of poems, writing down ideas for #anideaperday2017, working on the books for #BYBin30 & #campnanowrimo (although the blog posts are in sitting there in draft form), so I'm not totally lost in the downward cycle; I just feel as if I am an untalented hack.

There are a number of reasons that this happens and not just in regards to my writing either. Part of it is because I have mental health issues (aaargh I hate that phrase), and the storms have triggered my S.A.D. But it's also more than that; I'm dealing with a lot at the moment, emotionally and physically, and the writing has played a large part in keeping me on track through my healing, which of course means that it has also stirred up a lot of issues and I've reached a point of being overwhelmed. I also find that when I'm super productive, and making any sized steps forward, my anxiety kicks in, and I have a small step-back; a period of crippling doubt as I question my talent, ability and worth. Sometimes this has lasted for months; but so far this year, this stage has been short-lived.

The key for me is to just keep writing through this, and hope that when this part of the cycle passes that others will still be interested in reading my words. Sometimes when this mood strikes me I distract myself with my other creative outlets; eg cooking, crafts and photography. Sometimes that can be just enough to kick the negative thoughts back to the kerb; other times it just helps me to keep breathing. I grabbed the camera and went out into the drizzle to try to take my mind of things yesterday; most of the pics were crap but I ended up with a few that I like, such as this one. I love water pics, esp water drops and there is something calming about this pic. My macro photography has increased while I've been out of action, and I look forward to the day when I have better equipment to play with. But I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and I have taken some of my best pics this year.