I am simultaneously feeling the giddy anticipation that comes from knowing a piece of myself is about to be shared with the world, along with the pure dread that that piece of myself might be rejected. I get this feeling every time I'm about to share something I care about. Like all my songs, it is a piece of me--of my past, my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my struggles--scrawled out onto a page, sung out into the void, and on Friday it will be set free into the world. Free for people to listen to and connect with... or scrutinize and leave condescending YouTube comments about. And though I know the latter is inevitable, it makes it worth it if there is one person on the other side of my computer who needed it. Who feels what I felt when I wrote it and who needed to feel a little less alone in that. So here's for hoping there's at least one of you...
Sharing yourself can be scary. It still makes me feel sick every time. But when you share, you free a little part of yourself, and you become a little more you, and you are a little less in hiding, and that is one of the best feelings in the world. I've spent a lot of my life in hiding. And while I somehow have gotten to a place where I regularly share vulnerable parts of myself through my music, it's something I still very much struggle with in real life and have been working hard to overcome.
Didn't know where I was going when I started writing this, but I think I just therapized myself into remembering that even though a little part of me wants to throw up when I imagine you all listening to my song on Friday, that sharing is good and important and something I am supposed to do.
So, I guess that's that.
Love you guys. xo