If there's one thing that reading books will never truly prepare an expecting parent for, it is the toilet mishaps... And I'm not talking about potty training.
You see, when you've got a newborn, all sorts of things can happen, from failing nappies to explosions. And nothing I have ever read explains what kind of mess you need to prepare yourself for. That's why, today, I'm going to get down and dirty, and we're going to look at two of the stories I have, and a one from a friend of mine.
The Cold Air Cometh
Ok, we'll start with probably the most common accident that you'll experience... And it is one that can happen for as long as your little one is still in nappies (just to warn you). In short, your little bundle of joy has a full nappy, so you take them to the changing station or changing mat.
Then, you finish cleaning them, reach over to the new nappy, and then it happens. The cold air has gotten to them, and they've gone again. Only this time, there wasn't a nappy to catch it. Instead, it's all over the changing area, their clothes and them. So you have to pick them up, getting their soaked clothes off, and cleaning the changing mat... All whilst getting yourself covered too.
This will, eventually, become something you are able to deal with in a calm and quick manner. However, the first time it happens, you'll be wondering why and how it happened, and what you are supposed to do next. The trick? Stay calm, get the changing area cleaned, give your little one a bath, lay them down in the cot and jump in the shower.
So, when I said that I was going to get down and dirty, this was the dirty part... That's all the warning I'm going to give you, so here goes!
The Projectile is to the previous story what a sequel to The Notebook would be if Michael Bay was in charge. It starts off with an identical premise as the previous iteration, but then come the explosions and the swearing. Basically, this is when you're in the middle of changing your little one, and they decide that is the best time to push out an explosive number 2!
When this happened to me, it was pretty horrendous.
The number 2 shot out across the changing mat, the bed, the floor, me, and the wall! It was everywhere it could get to whilst going in a single line. I spend quite a long time cleaning all that up, and actually had to repaint the bits of the wall that got stained! So, be aware of that!
The Dinner Alternative
Now, this one was shared with me by a friend and colleague, and if the last one was dirty, this is just horrid. Luckily, I haven't had to experience it, but it is definitely worth warning you guys about!
Basically, my friend had just given her daughter a bath, and left her in the cot for a few minutes. When she came back, she found her daughter had not only gone for a big number 2... But she was eating it as well! Cue vomiting in your mouth.
The worst part of it, however, would be the fact that my friend's little one hadn't even eaten her dinner. So yeah, she choose an alternative...
And That's All Folks
Those are just 3 potential little accidents that you need to read to deal with as a new Dad. They're not pleasant, but they can (and at least one of them will) happen. So it's better that you're ready for them!
Do you have any potty horror stories you want to share? Let me know in the comments below!