Twitter Horoscopes: 01/23/17
Here are this week's tweets from Actual Horoscopes. Remember, you can look at the stars yourself all you want, but don't touch. 

Pisces: A confrontation at work this week that will lead to either a murder or a hot make-out session, I can't tell which. 

Cancer: Send nudes. 

Aries: No, you cannot write emojis on your checks. Also, why the hell are you still using checks? 

Gemini: You don't have to say "gay wedding" anymore, you can just say "wedding." 

Sagittarius: Don't live by someone else's rules. Instead live by someone else's prejudices. 

Leo: Don't rush into something you know very little about. You can apply this to relationships but mostly I mean Kevin Hart movies. 

Virgo: New possibilities in your love life will open up when your boyfriend suggests bringing fruit into the bedroom. 

Aquarius: Leave the briefcase under the north bench in the park at noon, wait ten minutes, then walk away. No cops. 

Scorpio: Solutions to your problems don't just fall from the sky. Unless you're a farmer and your problem is drought. 

Taurus: Jupiter is really not helping your decision making this week. This is mostly because astrology is bullshit. 

Capricorn: A colleague of yours will need a friend to confide in later this week, so get an excuse ready. 

Libra: If you want to better attract a man try flashing your baby blues. Also see a doctor, your nipples shouldn't be that color. 

Remember to follow Actual Horoscopes on Twitter to get them early, and also follow Actual Facts, Actual News and Actual Quotes for other fun stuff.