Have I mentioned to anyone lately how difficult all of this is?

Probably. I need to be writing, I should be, I could be. But there always seems to be something in the way. You know, life.

I get the day job done pretty well I think, considering I work in retail. I like the job just fine, it's PEOPLE I don't like. I get home exhausted, worn out, ready to just couch potato for a while.

Can't. Drama is there the moment I walk in. Usually in the form of teenagers. Or the puppy (he refuses to housetrain). 

Sometimes I just want to yell at everyone to shut the hell up and let me have five minutes peace. I know it wont happen but that doesn't stop that itching feeling in the back of my throat that is a scream of frustration desperately trying to get out.

I'm an artist and I'm not social, more of a hermit. I can only handle so much people-ing before I start to shut down. That includes people-ing with the blood relations. The drama is sometimes too much to handle.

The way I've always handled the bad stuff and the difficult stuff in life is to create something. A poem, a short story, an art piece. It's hard to do that when you are the only adult in the house and everyone depends on you for stuff.

I'm going to have to change the way I handle my priorities. My job duties and hours have changed for the day job (at my request) so that I can get the rest of my life under control. The priority in making those changes was to get my health under control. Peri-menopause symptoms were out of control, night sweats, hot flashes, joint pain (the worst symptom), crying for no reason. I swear, sometimes it was like being pregnant just without the baby surprise at the end.

I have more time now, less stress and am more at ease with life in general. The symptoms have eased off and I can string words together in a coherent sentence again (brain fog, another symptom). Sure, I'm making less money than before. NOT a good thing, and the estranged husband has been very little help. But I've found that life is easier.

Now that my health and sanity are back to a normal level I can focus on creating art, not just because I need the money (I do), but because I love it and I NEED to be able to create.

I think my best writing time will now be in the early morning before I leave for the day job, while kids and pets are still abed and the house is quiet. If only I can get my brain to cooperate. I've never been a morning person. I wasn't any kind of early riser until I got stuck on the 4am donut shift for a year. I hated it.

The only benefit I've seen from getting into the habit of getting up that early is that I now naturally wake up at about 6am. Whether I'm ready for it or not.

I get my coffee and sit with a video game or the internet or a book for a bit before I start getting ready for my day.

I should be taking advantage of that quiet morning time to get some writing in.

So I will.

Wish me luck. 

I'm going to need it.