This is a “no work allowed” vacation, but as I pointed out to J, it’s hard for me because my work is just so integrated into my life. There is no vacation from Song A Day. I still have to sit down and eek something out. I wonder if it’s like that for other freelancers? Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a proper job where I could leave it behind and not think about it at all for a whole week. Then I could come back fresh.
Alas, that’s not the life I’ve chosen.
I was talking to my dad and he said he’s always found vacations to be really stressful. I understand where he’s coming from. When I was younger, I used to try to control and plan everything. I drove myself and everyone around me crazy with it. STICK TO THE PLAN! I still have a bit of that in me, though I’ve gotten a lot better.
Nowadays, what’s exhausting is: Jupiter. He’s nonstop. Running into the ocean (he’s 16 months, can’t swim and has no conception of the danger of the waves that are bigger than he is), sitting in his high chair, throwing everything onto the floor, over and over again. He’s learned to open doors, so he just opens the hotel room door and goes running off down the hallway. Absolutely no fear.
Earlier this morning Juliana and Jupi were next door in my parent’s room and I was laying on the bed trying to think of something to write about. I was listening to the ocean. I was thinking about how the ocean has been making that sound for so, so, SO much longer than humans have even existed. Before dinosaurs. Before life, even. That’s crazy. And then I came into myself for a second, and my thoughts went to my body, like you do during meditation. I felt myself lying on the bed. I felt the weight of my body just lying there. I heard all the sounds anew, the ocean but also the hum of AC units and little kids laughing.
I rarely find time to mediate anymore, but the most profound thing about doing it at all was that every once in a while, I find myself coming into myself like that. It’s such a peculiar feeling. It really is what I described above: I just sort of leave everything behind. You can do that at any point. It’s the idea that whatever you are doing right now, at this very moment, is what you are doing. Duh, right? But rarely is that where my attention is actually pointed.
There is no work, until you’re working. There is no driving until you’re driving. When I'm chasing Jupiter down the hall, that's all I'm doing, really. In reality. There’s actually nothing to stress out about. So just chill, OK?