robert and his eight arms are creating words, code, brainwaves, general lunacy
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Wow, you made it! Great! I have done some informal polling and found that only those in the very tippy top percentile Wonderfulness, the very-official-psychological-category-that-I'm-definitely-not-making-up-right-now, ever make it to this page. Statistically, if you're reading this you are among the most wonderful people in the world.  This may be hard to believe but, well, that's science for you. The calculations I've done are very rigorous and the results are inarguable: You are wonderful.

Since you are so wonderful, I've made you a thing to show you how much I appreciate you: [big fuzzy appreciation].

So, with that administrivia out of the way, we can get to what I really want to say, which is:

Please give me your money. Puh-lease. I'm begging you. Pretty, pretty please. Turn some of your money into my money. I'm on my knees here. Please-e-e-e. Just a couple internet nickels, that's all I'm asking for. Just two shiny internet nickels to rub together. That's it. Actually, no, wait, I take that back. I need more than that. A lot more. 

I need all of it. Please, give me all of your money. Every filthy cent of it, and don't forget the stash of quarters you've hidden away in your couch cushions. That's right, I know you've those sweet, sweet spending coins tucked away, ready for when the Gumball Truck comes around. I bet you've at least a couple of dollars hidden in there. That's it. That's all I need. Those coins, and all of the rest of your money.

What's that? No, that's unreasonable? Well, I see where you're coming from but I have to make some profit on this deal here, too, you know? So how about we meet in the middle? How about you just give me half of all of your money? You're really squeezing me but I think I could make that work. Half. Just give me half of all of your money. I can shake on that.

What!? Not even half?


Now, you... you look here, divorcees routinely give their exes half of their money, and they hate each other. Surely you like me more than that. Like, have I ever cheated on you? No, I've been a faithful, dutiful internet presence the whole time we've known each other. Frankly I feel I'm being exceptionally generous here by only asking for half.

Except, well, you do have such an envious Wonderfulness score, and it's hardly like I can argue with these calculations... Alright, okay, fine, you know what, I'm just going to trust you. You decide. All of your money, half of it, slightly more than old ladies tithe for boring church sermons, San Francisco sandwich money, two shiny internet nickels, whatever.

Reasons You (Yes, You) Should Give Me Your Money


You will literally be buying yourself happiness:

"Human beings around the world derive emotional benefits from using their financial resources to help others [...] survey data from 136 countries were examined and showed that prosocial spending is associated with greater happiness around the world, in poor and rich countries alike. [...]"

...more happiness than if you had spent that money on yourself:

"participants in Canada and South Africa randomly assigned to buy items for charity reported higher levels of positive affect than participants assigned to buy the same items for themselves, even when this prosocial spending did not provide an opportunity to build or strengthen social ties."

...both now, and for your future self, accessible whenever you recall your good deed:

"recalling a past instance of prosocial spending has a causal impact on happiness across countries"

...and it will make you feel rich, no matter how well off you are:

Giving convinces your lizard brain that you have enough and are satisfied which, absurdly, makes you satisfied. If you hoard your money and always want for more, you will always be desperate and chasing it. Give some away, and you realize that you have more than enough.

...which will reduce some of the stress there can often be around money:

When you give some of your money away, you realize that money is not such the big deal it is made out to be. Giving loosens up some of that constriction, that matter-of-fact seriousness and anxiety about money, and shifts it toward something looser, more open, more playful.

...and you'll feel feelings previously restricted to kings and the upper-est class:


This is what I wrote to gwern, the first patreon I'd subscribed to while still giddy from that feeling: "I have this mad urge to buy opera tickets and a pair of black and white wingtips, and to work the phrases 'patron' and 'opera shoes' into every conversation I have today."

...but, mostly, because you are wonderful, and because I see and recognize that in you, and because I have calculations that prove it, and because I like you, and because it's mutual, and you want to do something good and support this thing we're doing here. 


Wow, you made it! Great! I have done some informal polling and found that only those in the very tippy top percentile Wonderfulness, the very-official-psychological-category-that-I'm-definitely-not-making-up-right-now, ever make it to this page. Statistically, if you're reading this you are among the most wonderful people in the world.  This may be hard to believe but, well, that's science for you. The calculations I've done are very rigorous and the results are inarguable: You are wonderful.

Since you are so wonderful, I've made you a thing to show you how much I appreciate you: [big fuzzy appreciation].

So, with that administrivia out of the way, we can get to what I really want to say, which is:

Please give me your money. Puh-lease. I'm begging you. Pretty, pretty please. Turn some of your money into my money. I'm on my knees here. Please-e-e-e. Just a couple internet nickels, that's all I'm asking for. Just two shiny internet nickels to rub together. That's it. Actually, no, wait, I take that back. I need more than that. A lot more. 

I need all of it. Please, give me all of your money. Every filthy cent of it, and don't forget the stash of quarters you've hidden away in your couch cushions. That's right, I know you've those sweet, sweet spending coins tucked away, ready for when the Gumball Truck comes around. I bet you've at least a couple of dollars hidden in there. That's it. That's all I need. Those coins, and all of the rest of your money.

What's that? No, that's unreasonable? Well, I see where you're coming from but I have to make some profit on this deal here, too, you know? So how about we meet in the middle? How about you just give me half of all of your money? You're really squeezing me but I think I could make that work. Half. Just give me half of all of your money. I can shake on that.

What!? Not even half?


Now, you... you look here, divorcees routinely give their exes half of their money, and they hate each other. Surely you like me more than that. Like, have I ever cheated on you? No, I've been a faithful, dutiful internet presence the whole time we've known each other. Frankly I feel I'm being exceptionally generous here by only asking for half.

Except, well, you do have such an envious Wonderfulness score, and it's hardly like I can argue with these calculations... Alright, okay, fine, you know what, I'm just going to trust you. You decide. All of your money, half of it, slightly more than old ladies tithe for boring church sermons, San Francisco sandwich money, two shiny internet nickels, whatever.

Reasons You (Yes, You) Should Give Me Your Money


You will literally be buying yourself happiness:

"Human beings around the world derive emotional benefits from using their financial resources to help others [...] survey data from 136 countries were examined and showed that prosocial spending is associated with greater happiness around the world, in poor and rich countries alike. [...]"

...more happiness than if you had spent that money on yourself:

"participants in Canada and South Africa randomly assigned to buy items for charity reported higher levels of positive affect than participants assigned to buy the same items for themselves, even when this prosocial spending did not provide an opportunity to build or strengthen social ties."

...both now, and for your future self, accessible whenever you recall your good deed:

"recalling a past instance of prosocial spending has a causal impact on happiness across countries"

...and it will make you feel rich, no matter how well off you are:

Giving convinces your lizard brain that you have enough and are satisfied which, absurdly, makes you satisfied. If you hoard your money and always want for more, you will always be desperate and chasing it. Give some away, and you realize that you have more than enough.

...which will reduce some of the stress there can often be around money:

When you give some of your money away, you realize that money is not such the big deal it is made out to be. Giving loosens up some of that constriction, that matter-of-fact seriousness and anxiety about money, and shifts it toward something looser, more open, more playful.

...and you'll feel feelings previously restricted to kings and the upper-est class:


This is what I wrote to gwern, the first patreon I'd subscribed to while still giddy from that feeling: "I have this mad urge to buy opera tickets and a pair of black and white wingtips, and to work the phrases 'patron' and 'opera shoes' into every conversation I have today."

...but, mostly, because you are wonderful, and because I see and recognize that in you, and because I have calculations that prove it, and because I like you, and because it's mutual, and you want to do something good and support this thing we're doing here. 


Recent posts by robert and his eight arms