slimer6

is creating The Simmer Down Cooking Show

0

patrons

$0

per month
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a chef. To me, being a chef was better than being President of the United States. Even before I first wandered into the kitchen for an after-school snack, I knew I wanted to be a part of them. It was there that I knew that I belonged. To me, it meant being somebody in a restaurant industry that was full of nobodies. They weren't like anybody else. I mean, they did whatever they wanted. They double-parked in front of a food truck and nobody ever gave them a ticket. In the summer when they marinated crabs all night, nobody ever called the health inspectors.
Tiers
Pledge $1 or more per month
Official patron status. I mean, I'll take your dollar and all, but don't expect any kind of gratitude. It's a dollar. Artfully disposing of food isn't free. 
Pledge $3 or more per month
Now we're cooking with grease. People that make it rain $3 on me will get a shoutout during the tSDCSws6.
Pledge $5 or more per month
$5? That's what I'm talking about, baby. I will include your name in one of my step-by-step captions during an official tSDCSws6 series. 
Pledge $10 or more per month
You get me. Purchasing food costs money and time, but my real source of inspiration is bourbon. I need to ingest multiple drinks before inspiration strikes. People that donate $10 per month will get a dish named after them. 
Pledge $20 or more per month
I will autograph an empty bourbon bottle and mail it to you via USPS Priority Mail if you donate $20 or more per month. I will sign the bottle during an *official* tSDCSws6 series. 
Pledge $50 or more per month
Bruh... donating $50 is what makes you a true baller around here. Not only will I send you an autographed bottle of bourbon, I will also send you one of my dishes. That's right--instead of tossing the creation at the end of the series, I will seal it up in a Ziploc back and mail it to you. I will use ice packs as well if the dish needs to be chilled. You will receive one dish per month. 
Pledge $100 or more per month
You will get an autographed bourbon bottle, a dish and I will send you a picture of my girlfriend naked. She's hot. I will also name a dish after you and shout you out during every single series. 
Goals
$0 of $500 per month
At an average cost of $10 per disposed-of meal, $6 of bourbon per day and the cost of my time that is spent while grocery shopping, I have arrived at a monthly goal of $500. I deserve more, and you should keep donating more money after my goal has been met. 
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As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a chef. To me, being a chef was better than being President of the United States. Even before I first wandered into the kitchen for an after-school snack, I knew I wanted to be a part of them. It was there that I knew that I belonged. To me, it meant being somebody in a restaurant industry that was full of nobodies. They weren't like anybody else. I mean, they did whatever they wanted. They double-parked in front of a food truck and nobody ever gave them a ticket. In the summer when they marinated crabs all night, nobody ever called the health inspectors.

Recent posts by slimer6

Tiers
Pledge $1 or more per month
Official patron status. I mean, I'll take your dollar and all, but don't expect any kind of gratitude. It's a dollar. Artfully disposing of food isn't free. 
Pledge $3 or more per month
Now we're cooking with grease. People that make it rain $3 on me will get a shoutout during the tSDCSws6.
Pledge $5 or more per month
$5? That's what I'm talking about, baby. I will include your name in one of my step-by-step captions during an official tSDCSws6 series. 
Pledge $10 or more per month
You get me. Purchasing food costs money and time, but my real source of inspiration is bourbon. I need to ingest multiple drinks before inspiration strikes. People that donate $10 per month will get a dish named after them. 
Pledge $20 or more per month
I will autograph an empty bourbon bottle and mail it to you via USPS Priority Mail if you donate $20 or more per month. I will sign the bottle during an *official* tSDCSws6 series. 
Pledge $50 or more per month
Bruh... donating $50 is what makes you a true baller around here. Not only will I send you an autographed bottle of bourbon, I will also send you one of my dishes. That's right--instead of tossing the creation at the end of the series, I will seal it up in a Ziploc back and mail it to you. I will use ice packs as well if the dish needs to be chilled. You will receive one dish per month. 
Pledge $100 or more per month
You will get an autographed bourbon bottle, a dish and I will send you a picture of my girlfriend naked. She's hot. I will also name a dish after you and shout you out during every single series.